April 8, 2002
So hilariously enough, this game started out with a big old viagra sign right behind Ichiro which was rather distracting but not nearly as distracting as the spiffy new red uniforms the Angels were sporting and while I liked them, I have to say that it was a little disconcerting as they resembled the pre-blue Texas Rangers uniforms quite a bit and then Jeff Cirillo doubled but seemingly possessed of demons, he just kept right on going and was thrown out rather easily at third base which had me saying all kinds of bad words and then Bret grounded out to end the inning and we head to the bottom half where Paul Abbott is looking rather good as he retires the side in order with a strikeout besides.
So then Edgar is up and there is some very loud Mariner fan there at Edison Field and he is all screaming the Edgar Chant and I felt kind of bad for the Angels who not only had a practically empty stadium, but the few fans actually IN it were rooting for the M's and anyway, Edgar just ripped a big nasty double and then Mike Cameron works the count 3-0 and... Edgar, also possessed of demons, just takes off for third base like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE and he's thrown out rather easily and I had already started shrieking because even though it's kind of funny when Edgar steals, it is also VERY VERY SCARY because I cringe every time he slides, and Edgar just does not need to steal bases and I'm trying to figure out if that was all Edgar's idea or if Lou Piniella was possessed of demons as well and SENT him for some godforsaken reason but Lou, God bless him, was all offended when asked if he'd sent Edgar and Lou was all "If I did, I'd be managing in Albuquerque" like THANK HEAVENS that in a world not of this realm where Edgar Martinez is stealing bases on 3-0 counts and scaring the living daylights out of me we have Lou Piniella who I can only hope made Edgar promise never, ever to do that again, because I'm telling you, without Jay Buhner, Edgar is the only thing keeping me from a nervous breakdown right now and if he gets hurt I'm probably going to have to be put in the hospital.
So then Mike ends up walking and then an out later and about 500 million throws to first trying to keep Cammie there, like JUST PITCH ALREADY and even the Angels fans, all sixteen of them, were getting totally agitated and Ruben Sierra singled but we are unable to do anything and leave two men stranded and then this was perfectly horrifying: With 2 quick outs, Scott Spiezio singled and then Orlando Palmeiro singled and then Benji Molina DOUBLED to score them both and it is 2-0 nothing Anaheim as we head to commercial where we are forced to watch the Britney Spears in the 50s ad like yeah yeah yeah for those who think young we GET IT and anyway, third inning and... Dan "3-for-3" Wilson singled and then 2 outs later and Bret just ripped a big nasty double and then... the umpire... he... called Edgar out on strikes... on this horrible pitch... that... it... I'm just at a loss.
"On Martinez's behalf, it should be noted that the pitch called strike three by home plate umpire Mark Hirschbeck was about eight inches inside." –John Hickey, sportswriter
So then Abby retires the side in order and Jeff Cirillo made this seriously sweet play on a grounder by Darin Erstad and so it is our turn again and with one out, John Olerud singled but that was as exciting as it got and then the very loud, very drunk by the sound of it Mariner fan in the stands there is all "C'mon Paulie!" and Abby K'd Garrett Anderson and then Brad Fullmer singled and then he stole second and then Abby K'd Spiezio but Palmeiro singled which scored Fullmer which made me say bad words and then Molina walked and majorly adjusted himself at first base before Adam Kennedy grounded out, so it is now 3-0 Anaheim.
Fifth inning and Dan Wilson singled and then Ichiro walked and then Jeff Cirillo singled to load the bases and there we are with the bags full and nobody out and I'm all beside myself happy and then Bret Boone is called out on strikes and I call BS, I mean REALLY and then... and then... wait just a minute... okay, so then Edgar, he... okay wait. Okay he hit into, okay just a second, I'll be fine, hold on, he hit into a double play to end the inning and we get NOTHING and I throw my notebook and my cat runs out of the room and I seriously had to stop watching it for just a little while because quite frankly a person can only take so much.
So while I was trying to recover, Abby gave up a harmless 1-out walk in the bottom half, so sixth inning and I'm talking to my friend Shelly whose job it is to listen to me swear when we're not doing well and Mike Cameron singled to lead things off and Ole grounded him over to second and then Donne Wall relieved Jarrod Washburn and we do absolutely nothing and then Abby holds Anaheim to one harmless single in their half.
So seventh inning and I'm still a little hysterical over the whole bases loaded and nothing to show for it thing and Bellinger comes in to play 1st and Dan singled again and then an out later and Dan stole second and I'm like "HOLY CRAP" and Shel is all "I know" all calm and not that surprised that Dan swiped a bag and then an out later and Bret "I'm Goin Yard and commando!" Boone WENT YARD to finally put us on the board and then Edgar walked and then Ben Weber came in to relieve Wall and struck out Cam to end the inning.
So 3-2 Anaheim and with 1 out, Abby walked Eckstein and then Erstad singled, so Shiggy Hasegawa relieved Abby and got Tim Salmon to ground out and then some guy named Davanon hit for Bellinger and struck out only not before Shiggy balked in the weirdest balk I've ever seen which SCORED A RUN and so it is now 4-2 Anaheim much to my extreme disgruntlement but I'm finally able to start watching again at least and it was kind of a weird coincidence that just that afternoon I was explaining to my mother what a balk was which reminds me, I just signed my nephew up for T-ball and he is going to be so cute.
So eighth inning and Spiezio moves from third to first and some guy named Nieves is at third and John "I'm Goin Yard!" Olerud WENT YARD to put us back within one run of it and then Ruben Sierra ripped a big nasty double and Charles Gipson came in to run for him and then Carlos Guillin singled which scored
Charles because Salmon bobbled the ball a little bit and Dan laid down this beauty bunt and got Carlos to second and then Ichiro singled and with runners at the corners, Al Levine & His Cool Sideburns relieved Weber but Al lost about 90,000 cool points when he did that horrible looking 1st to 3rd or 3rd to 1st or whatever pickoff move like MY GOD THAT LOOKS RETARDED and pitchers should be FORBIDDEN from doing it and then Ichiro stole second anyway and then Cirillo hit a sac fly to score Carlos and we lead it 5-4 before we head to the bottom half, like THERE'S MY BASEBALL TEAM!!! I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK!
So then Shiggy retired the side in order with a 1 out walk that was erased by Molina who majorly adjusted himself again and evidently things still weren't quite right down there because he hit into a double play, like it cracks me up no end how not at all sly baseball players are about such things and our turn again and we don't do anything though it was nice to finally hear an Anaheim fan down there cheering for Levine like the poor Angels have really crappy fans and the few that bother showing up, like 90% of them are rooting for the other team, which is terrifically sad. So anyway Kazuhiro Sasaki comes in for the save and he retired the side in order with 2 K's, both of which contained some seriously nasty pitches, I mean I am all talking to myself as he winds up and am all "this is going to be filthy!" and sure enough it was and we hang on to win it and shame on me for ever doubting them a second.
"We do make it exciting." -Bret Boone
