JAY DAY

April 2, 2002



 
photo: AP/ElaineThompson

"He tore up his knees, ankles, elbow, shoulders and pants chasing down sinking line drives. He skidded onto rock-hard AstroTurf and tumbled over Fenway's right-field wall. And if his home-run swings generated more breeze than a Kingdome air conditioner, well, live with it. This was the Jay Buhner way. This was his job: to clock homers and drive in runs, though he did more than that. He was much more, the way long-time, one-franchise icons like Kirby Puckett, Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken were much more, because of the way they represented themselves, and their team, and the game they played. If Buhner was originally a Yankee, it was only long enough to enhance the times he went back to the Bronx and murdered them. There were many memorable moments in Buhner's major league career. The three consecutive 40-homer seasons, and the 310 homers, and the way he became the answer to the best trivia question ever uttered on ‘Seinfeld’." -Laura Vecsey, sportswriter

"For men like Jay Buhner, baseball is so much more than a game or a living, it's a love." -Bob Finnigan

For those of you unfamiliar with my own personal baseball beginnings, let me sum it up by saying this: Jay Buhner is the reason I love baseball. And he's why it will never be quite the same as far as I'm concerned.

photo: AP/ElaineThompson

I was in junior high when Jay came to Seattle from the Yankees. I had played softball for a couple of years, but was not terrifically interested in baseball and would usually fight with my dad over having to watch it on tv. The first time I saw Jay play, he changed all of that. I took an interest. I wanted to watch the games. I wanted to see what he would do next. There was just something about his style of play; to be honest I can't even really describe it. When the team sucked, Jay still made it exciting. When the team won, Jay was always at the heart of it. Hurt, in a slump or playing like an All-Star, his very presence defined the team that I've seen come from a very let's just say "humble" beginning to the force to be reckoned with that it is today. Through everything, he perservered. There are many things that you can say about Jay Buhner, the most obvious of which being that he loved to play baseball. And I loved watching him play it.

He is the epitome of what a baseball player should be. He never half-assed it. He took immense pride in the way he played. He was loyal to his franchise, he was good to the community, he made time for the fans. He was a team player through and through. He came back time and time again from injury. He ran into and over walls. He flung himself with great velocity in pursuit of fly balls, seemingly without care of the hard landing the Kingdome astroturf provided. He swung hard. He threw hard. And he played hard. Jay Buhner left it all on the field.

I bought tickets to this game the day they went on sale and I went with my friend Kevin, who for weeks had been dreading the spectacle he knew I would make of myself during the Jay ceremony, since the day Jay announced his retirement he had to put up with me blubbering for about 2 hours (AT WORK, no less) over it, and as long as I'm sharing embarrassing moments in The Drama Fest Known As Laura's World I might as well just go ahead and admit that when I went to watch my nephews at my mom's office that afternoon I had a complete breakdown where I SOBBED AND CRIED to the point of where both my nephews, my mother and a good number of my mother's staff members just sort of gaped at me while my mother patiently explained to everyone that "Jay Buhner has retired".

So anyway, Kevin and I arrive early because I wanted to make sure I got the Jay placard things they were giving away and I have a huge coniption fit when I discover that they have PAINTED OVER JAY on the outside of the stadium where his picture used to be and I am just HORRIFIED and Kevin gets that "there she goes" look on his face that I've become accustomed to because he's used to my fussing and I continue stomping down the street while he tries to placate me by coming up for some reasoning behind it and I'm totally not having it and am meanwhile still shrieking indignantly and then we are standing in line and you are not going to believe this but who should walk right in front of me but those two idiot Chicago fans from the night before, I SWEAR TO GOD they walked RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and I was dumbstruck for a full minute as they kept on walking and then I started going on about "OH MY GOD IT'S THOSE TWO CHICAGO [EXPLETIVE DELETED]'s FROM LAST NIGHT!" and Kevin's got that "there she goes" look on his face again as I continue being completely appalled at their very presence and all I can hope is that those two guys aren't sitting ANYWHERE near me because I will not be held responsible for my actions on Jay Day.

So we get to our seats which are rather excellent right behind the visitors' dugout and Kevin is busy pointing out all the White Sox that are pretty much right there in front of us but thankgodfully those two guys aren't anyway near us and Kevin points out Magglio Ordonez whose name reminds of pasta and then he points out Frank Thomas like you could actually miss someone the size of a small ocean liner, and because he had to listen to me having a tantrum about Frank's salary disputes last year, he knows I'm not fond of him and subsequently called him The Big Squirt instead of The Big Hurt which cracked us both up and then we talk about the horrifically ugly trees they've planted out in centerfield that don't at all match the green of the stadium and then we watch them spell out "JAY" on the field and then we spot Dave Niehaus and they're getting everything all set up for the ceremony and they get going finally and show the video of Jay's greatest baseball moments and if anybody knows the name of the song they played during that, please let me know, and anyway, I am tearing up like crazy and then Dave announces Jay who comes running out and I burst into tears and they proclaim April 2nd as Jay Buhner Day in Seattle and Harold Reynolds talks about him in a video message and then Alvin Davis talks about him and the Mariner wives honor Leah Buhner and I'm probably getting all of this out of order but it was really hard to take it all in while subsequently embarrassing Kevin by bawling myself lightheaded and they present him with a seat from the Kingdome and one from the Safe and then Jeff Nelson and Rick Griffin and Dan Wilson all came out and talked about him and they bring out a present from the team to Jay which is a brand new truck and fishing boat with a few of the guys in it like the team doctor and Norm Charlton and most notably Edgar which majorly cracked me up and then Lou came out and gave Jay a replica of the 1995 Western Division Champs banner to hang in his own house.

"He played with pride and passion, a true professional in every sense of the word." -Lou Piniella

So then there are more wonderful things said about him and I continue sniffling away and then Chuck Armstrong presented Jay with a donation of $100,000 in his and Leah's names to the Cystic Fibrosis foundation and Jay lost it and I lost it and the crowd was standing up again in one of several standing ovations that evening and then they had Jay come out to talk and I pretty much bawled the entire time especially when he broke down at the beginning and was like "bear with me" which made me bawl all the much more and he thanked a few of his teammates that he was especially close to like Gar and Nellie and Dan and Norm and the like, and then he mentioned Lou which added to the mess I was fast making of myself just blubbering away.

"I'm honored and flattered to be in front of all you people. I have unbelievable pride to play and end my career in front of the greatest fans in all of baseball. Thank you for taking me into your hearts and letting me play for you and entertain you. And go M's." -Jay Buhner

And thus endeth the Jay ceremony and I am all shrieking "THEY DIDN'T RETIRE HIS JERSEY! MY GOD!" and Kevin makes his "there she goes" face and I continue shrieking indignantly and then Jay comes out to throw the first pitch which distracted me from my bitching for a minute.

"After I threw that ball home to Willy... I might have to get a cortisone shot." -Jay Buhner

So the game is under way and the people behind us are royally annoying and they are talking very loudly nonstop about everything you can imagine, and the one guy on the end finally got off his cell phone which I wanted to throw in the visitor's dugout but then he started blathering away to the equally obnoxious self-important yuppie dinks he was sitting with about the pre-season game the M's played where Kevin Costner participated and he is getting all the facts wrong and basically yammering away to hear himself speak and he's all "Costner pitched to Lou and I'm not sure what happened, I think he made an out" and kept going on to the point of where I had to turn around and correct him because I just couldn't take it anymore and I was like "HE WALKED HIM" and the guy was like "oh okay" and then changed the subject to some other random topic and I tried very hard to ignore them as Kenny Lofton grounded out and then Ray Durham reached on an infield single and then stole second but Frank popped out and then Spaghettios I mean Ravioli-o's I mean Magglio Ordonez obnoxiously doubled to score Durham and Paul Konerko fouled out and we head to the bottom half where we waste no time in coming right back even though Ichiro K'd which you don't see very often but then Mark McLemore singled and then Bret Boone ripped a big nasty double which scored him and that's all the fun we have but at least we're tied and then they show Jay Bloopers of his commercial with Bret this year which was really funny, where he forgot his line and was all "what am I supposed to say?" and then there were like 50 takes where Bret would look at him and start cracking up and then Boone was all "so, do you thing Boonie Buzz Night will catch on?" and Jay is all "no, not with those ears" and Bret cracks up and is all "that's not in the script!" and then they have Bret talking about what a cool guy Jay is.

So second inning and Jamie Moyer shuts them down in order and then we're also down in order so let us just move right along to the third inning where Jamie K'd Royce Clayton NO WAIT the ump called it a ball, so THEN Jamie just strikes him out again and NO WAIT the ump called that a ball too and finally Royce just swung and missed which the ump managed not to screw up and then Lofton singled which was annoying but then Durham fouled out and Lofton got caught stealing which was pretty damn sweet.

So our turn again and we all go on with our "2 Outs... So What!" theory as Mac ripped a big nasty double and then Bret walked and then DOUBLE STEAL and Sandy Alomar panicked and threw the ball all the way out into left field and Mac scored and Boone went to third and then Edgar singled which scored him and then John Olerud walked but that was as exciting as it got and we head to the fourth inning leading 3-1 and meanwhile between innings they are showing all these great Jay clips, like of all his past commercials and then one of Ichiro congratulating him on his career and retirement and telling him he won't shave his head which was funny and there was a great catches of Jay video that they did and they panned to Jay watching the game and they are playing "Through the Years" by Kenny Rogers and the lyrics are really fitting, like Jay was here "through the years, when everything went wrong, together [they] were strong, [he] know[s] that [he] belong[s] right here with [us]" and "through all the good and bad, I know how much we've had, I've always been so glad to be with [the M's]" and even the opening line of that song fit right in on a very personal note for me with "I can't remember when you weren't there" because I really can't hardly recall a time when Jay wasn't playing and yes I grew up listening to country music and it's still my favorite so you're just going to have to deal with my spouting verse.

So fourth inning and The Big Squirt led off with a single but that's all they managed and because we play Fantasy Baseball on Yahoo, Kevin had been glad earlier when Magglio scored an RBI double since he has him on his team and so I took immense glee in alerting him to the fact that Magglio just struck out big time. So anyway, our turn and we are unfortunately down in order and the guy behind us is blathering on about orca whales however you spell orca and it's like, dude, you are at a baseball game and nobody cares that you saw a whale so just PIPE DOWN BACK THERE and even Kevin who is the most laid back person I know and is constantly trying to get me to settle down when I burst into my many fits of ire was getting totally irritated with them, I mean you seriously cannot imagine the obnoxiousness of these people and their loud incessant blathering like SHUT UP AND WATCH THE GAME!

So fifth inning and Jamie retired the side in order so our turn AGAIN and we don't fair any better, so let us move along to the sixth where Jackass Number One behind us is now telling everyone about his SAT scores like anybody gives a flying crap what he has to say to begin with and Lofton ended up safe at third after his lame bunt backfired on us and we threw the ball away and Lofton spiked Jeff Cirillo in the knee accidentally on his slide but Jeff took it like a real trooper and Lofton ends up scoring on a ground out, so 3-2 Seattle heading into the bottom half where we waste Edgar's lead off single because Ole hit into a double play and everyone knows that Ole and Gar are not exactly speed demons and the reject sitting next to Kevin is all "way to hussle, John" all snotty like and it was all I could do not to reach across Kevin and give this guy a little smack in the mouth because how dare he pick on John Olerud and then Mike tried to stretch his single into a double and got thrown out which was traumatizing enough without Jackass Number Two making the rather ridiculous comment of "At least Mike tries, Olerud!" as if John's not a gamer and I wanted very much badly to just drop kick this guy down the concrete stairs into the visitor's dugout where Frank could sit on him.

So seventh inning and Jeff Nelson relieved Jamie and unfortunately had a little trouble as Konerko singled and then Jose Valentin singled and then Carlos Lee singled but Cammie fired it right back in to keep Valentin from scoring and then Nellie K'd Alomar and then Royce Clayton flew out to shallow center and the guy on third had to hold up because Cammie just rocketed it back a la Jay B and I should also mention the big smear of pine tar Cam put on his uniform in honor of Jay.

So anyway, bags still full but with 2 away, Arthur Rhodes comes in to relieve Jeff and unfortunately, gave up a single to stupid Kenny Lofton who was majorly getting on my nerves this game like JUST MAKE AN OUT AND QUIT SPIKING MY THIRD BASEMAN KENNY! But anyway, that scored two and we head to the bottom half now trailing 3-4 and this was exciting so pay attention: Some guy named Barcelo relieved Ritchie and with 1 out, Dan Wilson singled and then Carlos Guillen singled and then some guy named Marte relieved Barcelo and Ichiro reached on an infield single to load the bases and then Mac walked to force in a run and we are tied! So then Howry relieved Marte like HOW MANY RELIEVERS DOES CHICAGO HAVE FOR GOD'S SAKE and Bret singled which scored Carlos and then Edgar hit a sac fly to score Ichiro and then some guy named Porzio relieved Howry and walked John Olerud to load the bags again and then he walked Cammie which scored another run and some guy named Rauch came in and got the final out for Chicago and we head to the 8th leading 7-4.

"The Chicago bullpen was in and out and in and out. I felt a little irritated. I just wanted to pitch. I think I pitched 200 pitches in the bullpen." -Shigetoshi Hasegawa

So then Shiggy Hasegawa relieved Artie and came in and K'd The Big Squirt looking and then Magglio singled and I punched Kevin for being happy about it and then a double play later and it's our turn again but we are down in order, so moving right along, enter Kazuhiro Sasaki to finish off the White Sox and I must also mention that Carlos made an excellent catch to rob Carlos Lee of a hit and Alomar singled but nobody cared because Kaz K'd Clayton for the final out and we win which was the perfect ending to Jay Day.

"That's what this team does. We get guys on base. And when we do, we're going to nickle-and-dime you." -Dan Wilson

And getting back to Jay again...

"For all Buhner's baseball accomplishments -- multiple and significant -- his ultimate legacy may be his spirit and compassion, his grit and pride." -Holly Cain, sportswriter

And finally, in conclusion, (and in the words of Jay, "bear with me") let me just say that these past fourteen years have been an amazing ride and I will treasure them always. I can't even begin to express my gratitude for the excitement he brought to the game, the honor with which he played it and for the memories he's given me; the night he hit for the cycle and the sheer fluke that I happened to be there; all 310 yard shots, of which I think I managed to see almost every one of... the countless amazing/diving/sliding/hurtling towards the ground/over the wall/into the wall/from the bullpen pitcher's mound catches that he made; when he played at the All-Star game; when he won a Gold Glove; meeting him; the interviews; the way he'd knock the Moose in the nose after a win; the puking on command; the commercials; the Buzz nights... I have loved every moment of it. I cannot find the words to describe what he has meant to me. I cherish this man. The world is a better place with men like Jay Buhner; baseball certainly was. He will always be, in my humble opinion, the greatest hero this sport will ever know. Thank you, Jay Buhner, for everything. It's been an honor to be your fan.

"Who would have thought that it would be me and Edgar who would be the guys left after the smoke cleared in Seattle? The three guys are gone, but we were still here. It was special." -Jay Buhner

photo: AP/ElaineThompson