A BITTERSWEET WIN

April 10, 2002

So I am unable to watch this game as I am on the road with my Mom and Homie and I’m probably glad I missed the first inning at least as Ichiro was hit by a pitch from Aaron Sele which I'm sure wasn't on purpose and then a double play later and Bret singled and then Edgar singled but we leave them both stranded which would’ve definitely made me cranky and then Derek Eckstein was hit by a pitch to lead off the bottom half for Anaheim but James Baldwin came back to retire the side in order after that and we head to the second inning with no score and I think it’s safe to assume that at this point my father and I are still arguing over how loud the music should be and whether or not it’s too hot or too cold and so forth and how far we should continue driving. Now, I should probably explain that my father’s motorhome is his pride and joy and everything must be just so and you’re not really allowed to touch anything, like when I tried to lock the door before we took off and he fussed that I was doing it wrong and then when I tried to pull down one of the shades and he fussed that I was doing it wrong and was thusly forbidden from ever pulling down a shade again or when we’d stopped for the night and I was hooking up the cables to the TV and my mom said "you should probably let your father do that, or he will fuss that you're doing it wrong" and sure enough as he comes in from hooking up all that outside stuff that I will have nothing to do with the first thing he does is notice that "someone has been hooking up cables to the TV!" and I just rolled my eyes and anyway, second inning and we do nothing and Anaheim does nothing so let’s just move along to the third.

So we're all "camped out" in some nowhere place that I will call Butthole, Idaho and for some reason, the stupid cable hookup wasn’t working so I myself was having a Homer Fussy of my own about not being able to see the game and of course we couldn’t get it to come in on the radio either (which, fyi, I’m also not allowed to touch) and Mark McLemore singled to lead things off and then Ichiro doubled and Jeff Cirillo hit a sac fly to score Mac and move Ichi to third but the 1 run is all we manage and Anaheim is down in order.

So fourth inning, 1-0 Seattle and I have to admit that I’m pretty happy to be at the campground where they have a real bathroom instead of the child sized one in the motorhome because while it’s very pretty with it’s little shower and bathtub and fancy sink and the cute little toilet, it is extremely stressful to actually USE because the door BURSTS open every time you sit down on the toilet because the toilet is wedged really tightly between the bathtub and the door. And since it had been a long time since I’d been camping with my parents and I’d forgotten all about the door trick and since I had to go #1 while en route to Butthole, Idaho, I just went to use the motorhome bathroom since the best part about traveling in a motorhome is that you have the bathroom right there and you don’t have to stop to go and you can imagine my dismay as well as the trucker’s behind us as I sat down to do my business and the door BURST OPEN and let’s just say that for someone like myself who startles easy and does not like surprises, it is a damn good thing I was already sitting on the toilet or I would’ve had some very wet pants, and trying to maintain what little dignity I had left, I just waved to the trucker and held the door shut while I finished my business and John Olerud reached on an infield single which I would’ve liked to have seen and then Mike Cameron singled and then Desi Relaford singled to load the bases and Dan Wilson ripped a big nasty double to score 2 and then Mac hit a sac fly to score 1 and move Dan to third and then Ichiro hit another sac fly to score Dan and when the dust finally settles, it is 5-0 Seattle and I’m almost kind of glad I’m not watching because I would’ve felt bad for Aaron Sele not that I’d give any of those runs back or anything and then Anaheim is down 1-2-3.

So fifth inning and Bret "I’m Goin Yard!" Boone WENT YARD to lead things off and an out later and John "I’m Goin Yard Too!" Olerud WENT YARD TOO to tack on another run and it is 7-0 as we head to the bottom half where Tim Salmon singled with 1 out and then Scott Spiezio singled but they don’t score and we head instead to the sixth inning and some guy named Cook relieved poor Aaron and the only thing we manage is a 2 out walk by Ichiro and then the Angels are down in order again.

So seventh inning and Donnelly relieved Cook and we do nothing and then Troy Glaus doubled and Brad Fullmer singled and with runners at the corners, Tim Salmon singled which scored Glaus but then Baldwin settled down and we head to the eighth inning leading 7-1 as Lou "I’m So Lame" Pote relieved Donnelly and walked Mike Cameron and then Desi singled and Dan hit a sac fly to score Mike and then a fielder’s choice later and Mac went to second on an error but the 1 run is all we manage and lead 8-1 heading into the bottom half where Joel Pineiro relieved James and Charles Gipson took over in left and Joel retired the side in order.

So ninth inning and we’re down in order and so is Anaheim which means we just won and had I known this, I would’ve been very happy indeed except that I was probably at that very moment getting in trouble for "Improper Opening Of A Window In The Motorhome That Is Homer's Castle On Wheels" or some other such crime against fussy RV owners.