April 1, 2002
"Our job is to win one more game than anyone else in the AL West, and take another shot at the postseason. We have a little unfinished business." –Lou Piniella
Okay so Marjorie and I had very, very sweet seats for opening day and so I left work early to go meet her at her new apartment downtown and we had a couple of beverages before catching the bus that she had decided we should take. Now, before I go any further on our adventures of the day, I should mention that I have never in my life actually RIDDEN a bus before save for a few school field trips back in the day, and I am very much a pro-car anti-pedestrian person who gets very, very annoyed with most forms of public transportation as they are so very often IN MY WAY, I mean I am terrifically west-coast oriented and my friends that live on the east coast which is far more public transit friendly with their subways and trains and whatnot, are constantly flabbergasted at my inability to not drive everywhere myself and my impatience at having to wait for people to cross the street.
So anyway, we get on the bus and right away I know this is going to be an adventure because the bus driver is very cranky and she is YELLING at us to "GET ON!" like give me just a second to figure this out won't you and it was like she could tell I was horrifically inexperienced in proper bus etiquette because I wasn't holding on to anything and was trying to make my way back towards a seat since it was jam packed full and she TOOK OFF much to my great surprise and I barely escaped wiping out in a major way right in the middle of the bus. So then Marjorie and I find seats across from each other and she was cracking up at how I almost bit it when the bus driver like SLAMS on her brakes for another stop and I swear we hadn't gone more than like 20 feet, but I went careening forward barely catching myself in time to not fall off my seat which made Marj laugh all that much harder and meanwhile the two guys sitting behind me were totally cracking up at my expense I'm sure and we were making like 4 million stops that seemed like they were only a block apart, and there were meanwhile all these NEW people crowding on the already very crowded bus which was starting to majorly stress me out and the guy next to me gets up and leaves so Marj could sit next to me and I'm getting totally carsick and totally annoyed with this one chick wearing this big red coat and gogo boots who like gets on the bus and then MAKES US STOP 2 blocks later to get off of it, like EVER HEARD OF WALKING? And I'm starting to get more and more perturbed about how long it's taking us to get anywhere and I am all "I need a drink!" and the guys behind us bust up laughing even though I was totally serious and then the four of us were ranking on the bus driver and her inability to brake without lurching and Marjorie is all "Let's get off at the next stop by Sluggers and do a shot!" and she could've said "Let's go to Sluggers and drink bleach!" and I totally would've DONE IT as badly as I wanted out of there by that point and I am SO EXCITED to be getting off the bus that you can imagine my dismay when we went sailing RIGHT PAST Sluggers which had me wailing "NOOoooooooooooo!" but luckily the bus stopped just ahead of there and I was SO, SO HAPPY. So then we head through Sluggers and then to Safeco Field where all the idiots who had TONS OF WARNING not to bring bags and purses and such are taking forever getting searched and we finally make it through the gates and we get a free magnet which made me happy because I love free stuff and then we hit the beer stand and head to our super sweet seats.
So then we are sitting in the lower outfield section 150 or something and we are waiting for things to get started and they show this 25 Years Of Mariner history video which included Ken Griffey Jr. and unfortunately Alex Rodriguez and people were like APPLAUDING for the two of them which I will tolerate for Jr. as he is Jay Buhner's good friend but which is absolutely unfathomable to me concerning the traitorous parsimonious sellout that is A-Rod. But, whatever.
So then a little boy from the Make A Wish Foundation that had been diagnosed for the second time with cancer came out to run the bases which made both Marjorie and I cry and he was so cute tipping his hat and then we give out the awards from last year which consisted of the Gold Gloves to Mike Cameron, Bret Boone and Ichiro, with Bret also getting the Silver Slugger award, and the MVP Trophy went to Ichiro, the Designated Hitter award went to who else but Edgar Martinez since nobody does it better, and the Manager of the Year award went to Lou Piniella and the entire team was honored with the Commissioner's Historic Achievement Award, marking the first time ever that it went to an entire TEAM which had me blubbering a little bit and then they announced the 2002 Chicago White Sox which nobody gave a flying crap about if you'll just pardon my poor sportsmanship and then they announced the 2002 Seattle Mariners which was way cool and Edgar got the loudest roar from the crowd and I have to say that not having Jay Buhner announced for the first time since I can remember pretty much gave me a breakdown as I'm still not convinced his retirement won't kill me.
So then we sing the Star Spangled Banner and they choreographed these 3 fighter planes to go zooming over Safeco right at the end of the song only Marjorie and I had just been talking about how many planes there were in the sky and since the 9/11 attacks, I have been unable to look at an airplane when I'm in a crowded public arena without freaking out a little bit and so when the fighter planes took off and I had no idea they were coming, I have to say that it is probably the closest I've come to almost crapping my pants since I was in diapers. Once I recovered and was able to breathe normally again, I had to admit it was pretty cool. The planes I mean, not the almost pants crapping.
So then we finally get down to business and Kenny Lofton rather annoying leads off with a base hit after about 4 million pitches from Freddy Garcia and the guy behind us is rather annoying commentating on painfully obvious things which would become EVEN MORE ANNOYING as the game wore on, but anyway, Ray Durham popped up and Frank Thomas fouled out and Magglio Ordonez whom I will forever associate with having had to play in the field Jay yakked in during the 2000 playoffs blessedly flew out to right to end the first half and then we watch a bloopers roll which sadly doesn't contain A-Rod majorly wiping out like he did last year on opening day.
So our turn and Ichiro leads off with a single and the crowd goes wild and then Jeff Cirillo grounded him over to second, and Bret Boone, after taking a real wicked cut at the first pitch, ended up grounding him over to third but Edgar couldn't score him much to the great surprise of every person in that stadium, most especially the Chicago White Sox. So anyway, no score and Paul Konerko obnoxiously singled and then an out later and Carlos Lee singled and then an out later with runners at the corners, Royce Clayton lined out to Carlos Guillen and it's our turn again where Mike "I'm Goin Yard!" Cameron WENT YARD to lead things off which was seriously sweet and then John Olerud walked but we don't do anything else.
"In a game run amok he's the one who gets it, who understands there are people dropping $45 a ticket, not to mention another $19 on soggy burritos, overcooked burgers and garlic fries, and they aren't in the mood to watch a millionaire ballplayer slug through the day. They don't want to hear he has a headache. They don't want to hear him complain he doesn't have his own bobblehead doll, and they certainly don't want to hear about his contract. That's why it's so easy to adore Mike Cameron, because all you have to do is watch him play and you can see there is genuine joy. This is what Ken Griffey Jr. was supposed to be." -Les Carpenter, sportswriter
"In England, an entire generation has grown up having known only one person as the head of the royal family, Queen Elizabeth. In Seattle, an entire generation of baseball fans has come of age knowing only one head of the royal family of designated hitters, Edgar Martinez." -John Hickey
So 1-0 Seattle going into the top of the third, and with 1 out, Durham walked and then Frank Thomas whom I have been unable to stand after his big tantrum last year over HIS salary after A-Rod's contract came out, I mean HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU PEOPLE NEED TO PLAY THE GREATEST SPORT ON THE PLANET FOR A LIVING? GOOD GOD. Oh wait I didn't finish my sentence. Frank was hit by a pitch and then we got the next two outs no problem and carried our lead into the bottom half where we did absolutely nothing.
Fouth inning and I believe it was at this point that "Get Down Tonight" by K.C. & the Sunshine Band was playing and the groundscrew did a very cute choreographed dance to it which was very cool and then with 2 outs, Sandy Alomar singled but that's all they manage. So our turn again and we're down in order so let's just move along to the fifth inning where Lofton all thought he was going to bunt himself aboard but Jeff Cirillo thought not as he barehanded the ball and threw him out at first, earning himself a standing ovation in the process and then another out after that and Frank unfortunately doubled but no damage done and it is our turn where we are rather solemnly down in order.
So sixth inning and I don't really care to get into it thank you very much and all I can say is that if the two Chicago fans a few rows up from us wanted to, oh, I don't know, GO TO CHICAGO TO CHEER FOR THE WHITE SOX that would be terrific and Marjorie and I crack ourselves up using the line from this comedy show she saw where comedian Tony Wood was talking about Goldilocks breaking into the 3 Bears' House all complaining about the food and then he goes, "Bitch, this ain't yo house!" which Marjorie and I applied towards the Chicago dinks and then it is our turn and we are trailing 2-1 now and with one out, Cirillo walked and then got to second on a wild pitch and then Bret grounded him over to third and somehow we manage not to score him and head instead to the seventh inning, still behind.
So the obnoxious White Sox fans were all cheering away rather annoyingly and I was hoping one of the seagulls flying above would poop on them or something and then Marjorie and I start talking about the biggest seagull or some kind of bird that lives like in the Philippines and EATS MONKEYS which for some reason has us laughing uproariously until the inning actually began and Durham led off with a walk and then an out later and Ryan Franklin relieved Freddy and... I just can't bring myself to get into it and 4 runs later we are staring in horror as we trail the White Sox 6-1 and the only good thing I can mention here is that we nailed Jose Valentin trying to steal.
"A lot of teams, when they get five or six runs down, they shut it down, whether they want to admit it or not. But against this team, you have to expect they will battle back. I like starting the season against them, because win or lose, they will get you playing good baseball. If you don't, they will roll over you." -Paul Konerko, Chicago first baseman
So then some guy named Osuna relieved Mark Buehrle and we did nothing except waste Mike Cameron's lead off single followed by a 1-out walk by Carlos Guillen. Eighth inning and Joel Pineiro relieved Franklin and with two outs, Durham walked but that was all they managed so our turn again and here come the
M's as with 1 away, Ichiro reached on an infield single and then Cirillo was safe on an error and then Glover relieved Osuna and walked Bret Boone and then Edgar delivered with a single which scored 2.
"Between the dog days and the glory days there always has been Edgar. He is that rare commodity in baseball, a non-renewable resource. When he leaves there won't be another like him. He is the greatest argument there is for keeping the designated hitter, because baseball needs people like Edgar.
Martinez has lived through the history of this franchise. He saw Griffey's first game. And Johnson's no-hitter. He saw most of Buhner's 307 home runs, watched Rodriguez grow into a superstar and saw Seattle explode into a baseball town. He is the last of the first great Mariners." -Steve Kelley, sportswriter
So then Cammie walked and then Marte relieved Glover and an out later and Carlos Guillen delivered with a double scoring 2 more and Howry relieved Glover and Ruben Sierra pinch hit for Dan Wilson but unfortunately grounded out and we head to the 9th inning trailing 6-5.
So Ben Davis is catching and Joel K'd Ordonez which thankgodfully shut those obnoxious Chicago fans up for a minute and then an out later and he struck out Valentin too which retired the side in order.
"I showed them last spring I could pitch, but when the plane left here for Seattle, I wasn't on it. I've heard that's a pretty cool flight, Phoenix to Seattle and the big leagues. I want to make it this year. I'd love to start, but if they need me in the bullpen, I'll do my job there. I just want to be on that plane when it leaves Phoenix." -Joel Piniero
And then... I'm not sure I can bear to relive this, but Keith Foulke relieved Howry and Mark McLemore singled and then Ichiro singled and then Cirillo sacrificed them over with a lovely bunt and then Bret unfortunately grounded out which is not at all like him with men in scoring position and then, cowardly pieces of crap that they are, they intentionally walked Edgar and Cammie hit a routine fly to leave the bags full and we lose which was incredibly heart breaking, but the good news is it took like almost their entire bullpen to shut us down and even then it was just barely.
So then Marj and I are trying to hail a taxi and this weird guy screams "HI!" right in my face really loud which I don't think he meant to do quite so scarily but it was rather disconcerting nonetheless and then we finally hail a cab and we get in and I start sneezing and the cab driver I SWEAR TO GOD WITH MARJORIE AS MY WITNESS offered me his USED NOSE SPRAY. As in one of those shooter things you STICK UP YOUR NOSE. As if I weren't already traumatized ENOUGH.
So anyway, to sum it all up, I am satisfied that the fighting spirit is still alive and well within this team and I'm looking forward to the season. It's been a long winter, and I'm mighty glad the boys are back in town.
