My How Time Flies

July 6, 2006

So I’ve been really busy turning 30 and working and watching So You Think You Can Dance and to tell you the truth, I really just have a hard time watching Carl Fucking Everett strut around in his Mariner uniform, to the point of where I haven’t WANTED to watch the games when I actually DO have a spare minute, I mean I still can’t even get over it and speaking of So You Think You Can Dance, I’m actually watching it right now and that host "Kat" whatever her name is with her horrible accent that makes her say America like AmericER and who is 11 feet tall already and for whatever reason wears 10 inch heels every night, which I could tolerate if she could only WALK IN THEM and she is working my nerves like you can’t believe, I mean I would pay SERIOUS MONEY to watch one of the dancers just walk up and slap her every time she mispronounces something, but anyway, the three bottom couples have just been chosen and I hope they boot Jessica who wears nothing but hot pants, which gross me out no end, and then I hope they boot her partner whose name I forgot but who is a big crybaby with obnoxious hair and anyway, I’m pretty sure Jessica’s hotpants have a hole in them on one of her buttcheeks and she’s wearing a corset with it which is very confusing, I mean how does she figure THAT goes with hotpants? It goes with UNDERPANTS. And oh look, here is her crybaby partner pretending he’s lovely Dmitry by going all Spanish-Matador like but he’s NOT AT ALL pulling it off, I mean there is only one Dmitry, and I want to have his children.

Oh and here goes Heidi who is trying to be Tina Turner and it falls a little short mostly because she appears to have snorted a great deal of coke before taking the stage the way she's throwing herself about, but she’s likeable enough and is wearing an OUTFIT instead of HOTPANTS AND A CORSET so she's got my vote already and then there is another commercial and then poor Brian is dancing and he has to go stand next to that godawful Kat woman and she DWARFS HIM, I mean, to borrow a line from the movie Duece Bigelow, "THAT’S A HUGE BITCH!" and then here is Allison and she’s doing some goofy flow-y lame-o routine and meanwhile has not combed her hair in some time apparently and is wearing some odd slip made of flow-y material that billows around, and then here is there that doofus kid Ivan doing his breakdancing or popping or krunking or whatever the hell you’re supposed to call it, I really don’t see the difference and I’m not impressed with him or his krunk-pop-breaking or any of these routines this evening.

So, back to the Mariners, can I just say HOLY CRAP,  would you look at them go? And while the Mariner fan in me is thrilled, I’m also still appalled that Carl Fucking Everett is in an M’s uniform. I mean he could singlehandedly take us to the World Series and I would STILL HATE HIM WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.

Who is this asshole singing on this show?

YES!  YES!  THEY BOOTED JESSICA AND THE CRYBABY DMITRY-WANNABE!.

So anyhow, I don’t think I can begin to catch up at this point, but I am going to attempt to keep up a LITTLE better in the future… having to change the channel every time Carl Fucking Everett steps to the plate makes the game hard to review. But since the rest of the team hasn’t disgusted me this year, I suppose I can make a better effort.  And I guess if Jamie Moyer can make peace with him being on his team, so too, then, can I.  Okay, I can't, but I can at least try to ignore him or something.

Oh, and see ya Eddie.