The Rally Monkey Is A Mariner Fan

June 29, 2001

So I spend the entire morning on the phone with the insurance company getting my car towed and cringing at my $500 deductible and I am just DEPRESSED and I call Kevin to see how he's doing and make sure his neck is okay and he is all "Well, I was sleeping on my stomach, but when I woke up, I was looking at the ceiling" which I suppose was kind of funny and I have to say that I have never felt so bad in my entire life, I mean REALLY NICE THING TO DO, involve your best friend in a car accident, honestly HOW LAME IS THAT. So anyway, this game begins with some nonsense about the Rally Monkey, which is hysterically funny if you stop to think about it.

"The Rally Monkey, born of a video clip that caught the fans' fancy last season, has evolved into a living, breathing monkey. The smallish simian was on the field for the ceremonial first pitch last night, then later was serenaded by with the crowd singing "Happy Birthday" during the seventh-inning stretch. How appropriate, then, that the Mariner offense, slow to get started often in the last two weeks, chose last night to get the monkey off its back." -John Hickey, sportswriter

So then it's game time and the Mariners, as if they sense another loss will send me over the edge after the day I had yesterday, do not disappoint me in the first inning as Ichiro leads off with a single and Carlos "I'm Goin Yard!" Guillen WENT YARD to put us up 2-0, and then Edgar singled and John Olerud sacrificed him to second and then Bret Boone singled only Edgar held up.

"Edgar and Olerud may not be the fastest guys in the league, but you won't hear me complaining. You know why? They're always on base. Always. We've lost some games lately, but that is going to happen. This is still a great team, the best I've ever been on. We find ways to win." -Bret Boone

So then Mike Cameron grounded into a fielder's choice which took out Boone and then Cammie stole second and then David Bell walked and with the bases loaded, Dan Wilson singled and that scored Edgar and Cammie and then Stan Javier singled and that scored David and then Ichiro had a bunt single and that scored Dan and before all is said and done, it is 6-0 Seattle and that is probably the first time I've smiled since I WRECKED MY POOR, BEAUTIFUL, ALMOST-PAID-OFF CAR. So anyway, Anaheim manages to get back two runs in their half but I'm not getting into how, because nobody really cares and even if they do, I WRECKED MY CAR AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE DISCUSSING IT. You'll have to pardon my foul temper. Wrecking one's car and hitting their best friend makes you kind of emotional, and I'm high-strung to begin with, and all I can say is this umpire's strike zone is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my whole life, I mean Jamie had Troy Glaus struck out TWICE before he finally got the call, but whatever, I mean Jamie even went over to the ump after the inning was over to ask where his strike zone might be and I actually have a pretty good idea where that umpire's strike zone is, but it would be inappropriate for me to give that location here.

So second inning and with one out, Ole singled and then Boone hit into a fielder's choice, but Mike "I'm Goin' Yard!" Cameron WENT YARD to give us 2 more! So anyway, 8-2 going into the bottom half and Jamie Moyer retires Anaheim in order. Maybe their Rally Monkey was taking a nap or something. And I hadn't even heard of the Rally Monkey prior to this game, so I really did crack up upon learning of it, I mean there is just something funny about a monkey being the inspiration for a rally I guess and anyway, Stan Javier led off with a single, but Ichiro grounded into a fielder's choice and an out later, he stole second base and then Edgar doubled to score him and Luke Pote relieved Scott Schoeneweis, who I imagined had a few words for the Rally Monkey as he walked off the field, and we head to the bottom half leading 9-2. Unfortunately, Anaheim managed to get a couple back, which made it 9-4, and I'd tell you how, but when you're in as bad of a mood as I'm in and your car is as wrecked as mine is, you really just can't deal with such unpleasantries as how the other team scored.

So fourth inning and we don't do anything and Anaheim manages another run and how is not important because I said so and because my CAR IS WRECKED and anyway, we head into the fifth where Dan Wilson walked, and we get him all the way to third, but we can't score him. I am placated almost immediately as Mr. Moyer retires the Angels in order.

So sixth inning and with one out, Ole singles, but Bret grounds into a fielder's choice and then steals second but that was as exciting as it got, and Jeff Nelson relieved Jamie and had a lovely 1-2-3 inning, complete with two K's.

So seventh inning and we do nothing and I'd tip my hat to the Anaheim relievers who haven't let us score at all except I don't want to because I HIT MY BEST FRIEND AND MY CAR IS WRECKED AND I'M CRANKY and Nellie struck out the side much to my infinite glee. Eighth inning and Mark Lukasiewicz relieved Pote and Lukasomething retired us in order thanks to Troy Glaus catching a beauty of a line shot by Edgar and evidently Troy does not understand how bad the last 24 hours have been or he wouldn't have caught that and then Arthur Rhodes relieved Nellie and retired the side in order complete with 2 K's of his own.

So ninth inning and we don't do anything and Kazuhiro Sasaki came in to finish off Anaheim with a strikeout, a double, a groundout and another strikeout, and we have won the game.

"I used to be a fan of The Monkey. But no more. They're wearing it out." -Bret Boone

"It seems our bullpen quieted their Rally Monkey down." -Lou Piniella

"Give credit to their bullpen. They're tough." -Mike Scioscia, Anaheim Angels manager

"You don't always have your best stuff. When you don't, you try to find a way to help your team - and you have to rely on your teammates." -Jamie Moyer