I Don't Like To Camp

I Don't Like To Camp

June 27, 2003

So this lovely event began while I was camping with The Parents and The Nephews in The Parents' RV, which, as some of you may or may not recall from past reviews, is The Vehicle Of Great Homer Fussiness because he doesn't really like anyone to TOUCH anything in his beloved motorhome, including windows, the bathroom door, faucets, air conditioning knobs, the microwave, etc. out of fear we are going to BREAK something in his prized luxury motorized vacation box and the trip begins with the two of us arguing immediately over the radio and the temperature and I win both arguments after enlisting the aid of Casey who my dad totally can't say no to since Casey is so damn cute and while all of this was going on, Joel Pineiro retired the Padres in order and we wasted a 1-out walk from Carlos Guillen and I enjoyed the A/C on full blast with the music up just loud enough to drown out my off-keyness while I sing along.

So second inning and Homer is fussing that we aren't going to get to the campground before dark and Dylan is sound asleep and my Mom is dozing and Casey is singing "BIG BIG WATER!" from one of his dinosaur movies and I am reading my book and everybody is down in order on both sides, although it looks like I should mention that Ichiro made a pretty spectacular catch in foul territory to retire Rondell White.

So third where Joel 1-2-3's San Diego for the third inning in a row, and then with 1 out, Ben Davis walked, and Ichiro hit into a fielder's choice and Ben was out at second, and then Carlos Guillen walked but that's as exciting as things get.

So fourth inning and Mark Kotsay walked to lead things off, but it was erased nicely by a double play and the Padres end up down in order after all, and then Edgar led off with a single, and John Olerud walked and then Mike Cameron walked and then... I'm not really sure what happened since I was still in the RV with Homer fussing down the highway, but Randy Winn hit into what might've been a double play, but there was an error by San Diego's shortstop and Gar and Ole both score and Cammie went to third and then Jeff Cirillo hit into a double play, but Cammie scored on it and it's 3-0 Seattle as we head to the fifth.

So with 1 out, Shawn Burroughs singled, and then Rondell White, pain in the ass that he is, knocked one out and it's 3-2 Seattle, but we come right back and Ichiro singled to lead things off and then an out later and Bret singled and then Edgar grounded out which scored Ichiro and moved Bret to second and then Ole singled which scored Bret and then Mike Cameron singled and the Padres made a pitching change and Randy Winn walked but we settle for the 2 runs and head to the sixth leading 5-2 and I imagine we've arrived at the campground by now, and are all hooked up to electricity and water and cable and whatnot since that's the only way to camp and unfortunately, the so-called "cable" the campsite offers does not include the channel the game is on, so I have taken the boys to the playground where they are playing and I am busy making a spectacle of myself swatting away mosquitoes.

So then Joel retired the side in order with 2 strikeouts besides, and then Ben Davis singled and went to second on a wild pitch and then Ichiro grounded him to third and an out after that and Bret ripped a big nasty ground rule double to score Ben and it's 6-2 as we head to the seventh, but not before they intentionally walk Edgar, big fat bunch of chickens that they are, like maybe the San Diego Chicken should've stuck around or something since he represented them so well.

So Joel sits the Padres down in order and then San Diego sends in a new pitcher and Cammie was safe on an error and then Randy grounded him over to second and then Jeff Cirillo singled which scored him and it's 7-2 as we head to the eighth where 2 singles, 2 outs, an appearance from Arthur Rhodes which resulted in the third out of the inning later, we go to the bottom half where Carlos "I'm Goin Yard!" Guillen GOES YARD and then Bret walked and an out later and Ole singled but we settle for the 1 run and lead it 8-2 going into the ninth where with 1 out, Ryan Klesko was safe on an error by Carlos and then some Buchanan guy walked and then an out later, Jeff Nelson came in to face our nemesis Rondell White, whom he got to ground out to end the game, hooray!