Happy 37th Wedding Anniversary To My Parents

June 17, 2003

So this day began with Homer giving my Mom a sapphire and diamond necklace to celebrate their 37th wedding anniversary and I helped him pick out the necklace as he has not been allowed to buy her gifts by himself ever since the Orange Pantsuit Incident of 1979, but he -  YES THAT'S RIGHT, MY FATHER, HOMER McFUSSYPANTS - went to the store ALL BY HIMSELF to get a card and a BAG and TISSUE PAPER to wrap it up with and I was very impressed with this because the paper actually matched the bag and then he actually WRAPPED it by himself which was immediately evident by the enormous ball of tissue paper he wadded up and stuffed in the top (he used the entire package) and the 8 pounds of tape across the top that he used to tape it shut OVER the tissue paper and I have to mention all of this because it makes me laugh outloud every time I think of it and speaking of things that make me laugh outloud, Ryan Franklin & His Big Clanky Necklace retired the Angels in order and then Ichiro WENT YARD to lead things off and we take a 1-0 lead to the second inning.

Ichiro Goes Yard - A/P Photo

So then with 2 outs, Brad Fullmer knocked one out to tie the game and then Scott Spiezio walked but Franklin recovered and allowed only the 1 run and then with 1 out in our half, Mike Cameron walked but got caught stealing and then Jeff Cirillo walked but we can't get anything going, so let's move right along to the third where Franklin gave up a harmless 2 out single to Darin Erstad, and then with 1 out, Ichiro went yard AGAIN and I scream with laughter as that always kills me when he hits one out since I'm never expecting it and we lead it 2-1 as we head to the fourth.

Ichiro Goes Yard Again - A/P Photo

"He shouldn't have played today.  It wasn't fair." Angels' starting pitcher, Kevin Appier, and Ichiro

So then fourth inning and with 1 pitch, Franklin had his first out which is always fun, and then an out after that, Brad Fullmer with his practically-unbuttoned-to-the-navel jersey, singled, but Ichiro made an excellent catch for the third out to end their half and then we're down in order, so let's just move it right along to the fifth inning where Anaheim wastes a lead off walk by Bengie Molina that was erased nicely by a double play and followed by a groudout and meanwhile, actor Martin Mull is in the broadcast booth and I'm not really sure why but I like him well enough I guess and pay attention because this was exciting:  Jeff Cirillo, after hitting a foul ball that Spiezio ran really, really hard into the camera guard thing trying to chase down, singled, and then 2 outs later and Ichiro singled and then Carlos Guillen walked to load the bases and 1 pitch, 1 bat toss and 1 ball over the centerfield fence later and Bret "I AM GOING HARD YARD GRAND SLAM BABY!" Boone knocked one out and we take a 6-1 lead!

"I, Super Bret, shall hit a grand slam."

"And then I, Super Bret, shall flip-toss my bat with my ultra cool Super Bret Bat Flip-Toss that makes Laura swoon with delight."

"Now everyone will clamor to slap my Super Ass."

"It is great to be Super Bret."

A/P Photos

"When Boone hits a home run, it does not stimulate me.  But when I hit a home run, I think it stimulates Boonie." - Ichiro joking about Bret

"It stimulates ME when Bret hits a homerun." - Laura

"Bret stimulates ME even when he strikes out." - Shelly

So then sixth inning and for some reason Ryan Franklin likes to make me say bad words because Erstad led off with a homerun and it's now 6-2 and then Tim Salmon grounded out but he might have better luck if his ass was with the rest of him at the plate while he batted instead of WAY OUT IN LEFTFIELD where he sticks it during his stance and then goddammit if Garrett Anderson didn't knock one out and it's 6-3 before we head to the bottom half where we're down in order and then it's that deodorant commercial with Randy Johnson playing dodgeball that always cracks me up and then it's Jay shopping which I also love before we get back to the seventh inning.

So then Anaheim is down 1-2-3 and Ichiro turns in a fine catch to rob Spiezio of a hit, and Shields, who must have missed a spot shaving as there is a funny little tuft of hair right under his lip, relieved Kevin Appier and Willie Bloomquist reached on an infield single and then an out later and Ichiro singled and then Carlos walked which loaded the bases for Bret again, and he walked, which forced in a run and then Edgar hit a sac fly to score Ichiro and John Olerud walked and we settle for the 2 runs and lead it 8-3.

So eighth inning and with 2 outs, Tim Salmon's Ass came in from leftfield and hit a homerun, so it's 8-4 going into the bottom half where Schoeneweis relieved Shields and retired us in order, so moving right along to the ninth, Shiggy came in and gave up a harmless 2-out double to Spiezio and we win it!