Remporter Une Victoire Sur Montreal Expos!

June 12, 2003

So let me begin by apologizing to French people everywhere for my très poor command of their language but I thought I'd try to give a shoutout to all six of the French people who don't hate this Américain divertissement by announcing we beat the Montreal Expos en français!

So this game begins with Dan Wilson making an excellent catch behind the plate for the first out which you can see right here below courtesy of the A/P.

So then Orlando Cabrera reached on an infield single and then Jose Vidro singled and just as I'm about to get all pissed off, we pick off Cabrera at second and then Brad Wilkerson flew out to end their half and I leave to go pick up a kitten from a friend and deliver it to my other friend Tony and while I'm gone doing this and listening to the game in my car, Jay is broadcasting as we sit down in order.

So second inning, and Ryan Franklin STRIKES OUT THE SIDE and we waste John Olerud's 1 out walk and Tony pries the kitten away from me because I'd grown attached to it on my way from my friend's house to meeting him with it and I SO LOVE THIS ORANGE LITTLE KITTEN and I reluctantly give it to Tony and head home where that Macias guy led off with a single but third base is as far as they get him and we waste Ichiro's 2 out single and meanwhile you can totally hear this guy from the stands yelling "BALK!  BALK!" but sadly enough, the ump doesn't call one, and Carlos Guillen flew out anyway.

So fourth inning and with 1 out, Wilkerson walked and then DOUBLE PLAY BALL and no, make than an E6 and then some Schneider guy lined a shot to Bret Boone who doubled the guy off of second so I don't have to pop a blood vessel, and off we go to the bottom half where I am talking to my friend Shelly and I am all "Bret should go yard RIGHT NOW" and right after I said that, Bret "I'm Goin Yard!" Boone WENT YARD to lead things off and I am all "I RULE I CALLED THAT I TOTALLY CALLED THAT!" and she is unimpressed and points out that I'm "always screaming at Bret to hit homeruns" but I still TOTALLY CALLED IT REGARDLESS and an out later, John Olerud singled but we settle for the 1 run and lead it 1-0 as we head to the fifth.

So 3 shots to center later and Montreal is retired neatly in order and then it's JAY!  JAY IS HERE ON TV!  This makes me so happy.  And then Jay is talking about he told Bret earlier how he wanted to see "the flicka" tonight ("the flicka" being Bret's homerun bat-flip) and I think Jay should broadcast every night and anyway, with 2 outs, Ichiro reached on a bunt single and then Carlos walked and then Bret ALMOST hit another homerun and we go to commercial where that scary lady with the 8 coats of eyeliner is trying to sell you Fords and there we are in the sixth inning and Montreal is sat down 1-2-3 again as are we.

So seventh inning and Wilkerson led off with a walk and then Carlos and Bret made a really nice play to get him out at second on a grounder from Cordero and then Schneider singled and with runners at the corners and only 1 down, that Tatis guy hit this weird little grounder thing that Dan fielded and threw high to first base but John very calmly jumped up, caught it and made the out and then Jay is all "that man can do it right there" and I could not sum up Mr. Olerud's skills any better than that really, and then Macias grounded out and Ryan Franklin worked himself very nicely out of a jam (with a little help from The Boys.)

So bottom of the seventh and Montreal has a pitching change, and with 2 outs, Dan walked but that was as exciting as it got, and off we go to the eighth where Montreal is down in order and we waste Bret's 1 out single.

So ninth inning and Artie came in to pitch for Ryan and Artie totally had Vidro struck out but the ump said he didn't go and Jay got all pissed off about it and then Vidro ended up getting a base hit which pissed Jay off even more and Rick was trying to change the subject and then Wilkerson sacrificed him to second and then Artie K'd Cordero and some Carroll guy pinch hit for somebody, I missed who, and he ended up walking and meanwhile, they pan to the dugout where Freddy Garcia is wearing that revolting, sweat-stained hat of his and then Tatis went down swinging to end the game and we win it 1-0 which makes me shout "hourra!"