What A Bunch Of Merde

June 10, 2003

So for those of you who didn't take high school French, let me just explain that "merde" means "shit" which is the only thing I could think of to describe this horrible, horrible game. 

It all began with me cracking up that the Expos official website is available both in French and in English and I have to say that the Montreal Expos are sporting the godawfulest ugly uniforms I have ever seen - I don't think these have been remodeled since 1974 or something, and anyway, Gil Meche started things off nicely enough by retiring the first two batters before walking Jose Vidro but then he struck out Brad Wilkerson so it was all okay and off we go to the bottom half where Ichiro TRIPLED to lead things off, and then Carlos grounded him in and we take a 1-0 lead and we won't say what Bret and Edgar did, but I WILL say that I am damn happy to have Gar back in the line up.  Stupid National League.

So second inning and Montreal is down in order, and the announcers are announcing how Fernando Tatis hit 2 grand slam homeruns in one inning against Chan Ho Park, and leave it to the Texas Rangers to give up 2 grand slams in one inning and anyway, John Olerud led off with a single and 2 outs later, Jeff Cirillo reached on an infield single but we are unable to score anybody which makes me say "SHIT!" since I'm an American and not a French Canadian.

So third inning and stupid Montreal takes the lead after a 2-out 2-run homerun by Orlando Cabrera which really pissed me off, and then with 1 out, Carlos Guillen singled and then Bret singled and then an out later and they moved up a base on a wild pitch and then John Olerud walked and we leave the bases loaded and I leave the remote control in the next room where I threw it.

So fourth inning and Montreal is down in order as well they should be and then Randy Winn singled and then Cirillo singled and then Dan Wilson bunted them over and then Ichiro was called safe on an error and Randy scored and I'm pretty sure that Ichiro was out and I have to say that this crew of umpires really sucked quite a bit, and we end up heading off to the fifth inning all tied at 2 since for some reason, they sent Cirillo home on a shallow fly ball from Carlos Guillen and sure enough, Cirillo was out by a mile.

Fifth inning and everybody's down in order, so moving right along to the sixth, Endy Chavez led off with a single and then Cabrera singled and then Vidro grounded into a double play which was good considering I was about to have a huge hissy fit over the back to back lead off singles and then Wilkerson walked but Ron Calloway grounded out to end the inning and off we go to the bottom half where Mike Cameron led off with a walk and then he was out at second after Randy was ROBBED of a base hit by stupid Jose Vidro and then Cirillo doubled which scored Randy and we take a 3-2 lead which made me very happy.

So seventh inning and it was nothing but merde as Montreal ends up taking a 4-3 lead and I'm not even going to get into how this all happened because 1, I don't want to, and 2, nobody cares and anyway, Julio Manon relieved Javier Vazquez and we're down in order, no thanks whatsoever to the home plate ump whose strike zone involves things most people would consider 8 feet outside and if I were Bret Boone I would've caned the ump with my bat as I walked back to the dugout, but Bret is a much better sport than I am.

So eighth inning and Vidro led off with a single but then a sweet strike em out throw em out double play later, the Expos end up down in order as Shiggy, who came in during the middle of that crapfest of a seventh inning, got Calloway to fly out and then we're down in order after 2 pitching changes.

So then we go to commercial and there is that annoying woman from Korum Ford who is wearing SO MUCH eyeliner it's a wonder she wasn't mistaken for a member of Kiss whom I was terrified of when I was little, and whom actually freak me out to this very day, and anyway, ninth inning and Giovanni Cararra relieved Shiggy and... a single, 2 outs, a single and a homerun later, it's 7-3 Montreal and I am all kinds of pissed off, and with 2 outs in our half, Ichiro reached on an infield single but that was as exciting as things got, and we drop the first game of the series to the Expos.  Baiser! 

Swearing in French is cool.