Everybody Do the Time Warp!

It's 2001 All Over

June 5, 2003

"Obviously, we're not ready to play with Seattle." - Phillies Manager Larry Bowa

So this game began with me working late and missing most of it and Ichiro ripped a big nasty double to lead things off and then Carlos Guillen grounded him over and then Ichiro scored on a wild pitch from... heh.  Okay, Ichiro scored on a wild pitch from Brandon DUCKWORTH and we head to the bottom half leading 1-0, and with 2 outs, Jim Thome walked and then Bobby Abreu singled but they don't score and neither do we, as the most exciting thing for us in the second was when Jeff Cirillo was hit by a pitch and unfortunately, Pat Burrell walked with 1 out, and then Tomas Perez doubled and then... Duckworth quacked a single which scored Burrell and reinforced my theory that pitchers should NEVER BE ALLOWED TO HIT and then Placido Polanco hit what was deemed a sac fly even though we threw out Perez trying to score as the ump totally doinked the call and said he was safe and we end up trailing 2-1 as we head to the third and Bob came out and argued but to no avail and I wish he would have thrown some bases.

Bob Argues - A/P Photo

So then I guess I shouldn't laugh at Duckworth's name since he STRUCK OUT THE SIDE and the Phillies tacked on another 2 runs and nobody really cares how but I'll be nice and tell you anyway, and it all began when Thome led off with a walk and then Abreu singled and then Mike Lieberthal doubled to make it 4-1 and off we go to the fourth where Bret "I'm Going Yard!" Boone WENT YARD to lead things off.

Bret Goes Yard - A/P Photo

So then John Olerud walked but we settle for the 1 run and head to the bottom half trailing 4-2 and Joel Pineiro retired the side in order, so fifth inning and Jeff Cirillo led off with a walk, and then Ben Davis singled and then Joel sacrificed them over and then Ichiro hit into a fielder's choice and I'm not really sure how this happened, but Cirillo was OUT at third and Ben WENT to third and anyway, Ichiro then stole second but we don't score anybody and with 2 outs, Lieberthal walked, but Philadelphia doesn't score anybody either.

So sixth inning and with 1 out, John Olerud singled but a double play later and that didn't really matter and Philly was down in order, so moving right along to the seventh, we're down in order too, and Julio Mateo came in to pitch for Joel and Dan Wilson came in to catch for Ben and Philly was retired in order again.

So eighth inning and some guy named Rheal Cormier came in to pitch for Duckworth and we're down in order and this is all very boring and I'm on my way from work to watch the rest of the game with Homer and with 1 out, Lieberthal singled, but that was all the hitting Julio allowed and off we go to the ninth inning still trailing 4-2.

So enter Jose Mesa, who I never, ever liked, and Bret led off with a single and then John Olerud walked and Willie Bloomquist came in to run for him and then Mike Cameron is trying to bunt as I'm pulling in the driveway and Cammie fouled it away and he tries it again and fails again and then Niehaus CRAPS HIS PANTS AND STARTS SCREAMING "SWUNG ON AND BELTED!" and Cammie just LAUNCHED ONE and we take a 5-4 lead and I jump out of my car and run inside and wake up Homer who had fallen asleep in his chair watching the game and I bring him up to speed that it is now 5-4 thanks to Mike Cameron and Jose Mesa and Homer is all "Jose Mesa, no shit?  He's still playing?" and then Mark McLemore singled and then Cirillo singled and then Homer and I giggled because he was all "yeah, that's definitely Mesa" and then we talk about how crappy Mesa's goatee looks and we somehow manage not to score any more but not before Homer is all reminiscing, "remember how MAD you used to get when Lou would bring him in?" and I said, "yeah, look at the scoreboard, remember WHY?" and then we get to see a replay of Cam going yard and you see Kazu raising his arms up all triumphantly from the bullpen where it landed which cracked me up.

"There's no time to worry about the missed bunts.  You've just got to regroup. I was trying to put the ball in play and he hung a curve." - Mike Cameron

Our Hero, Mike Cameron - A/P Photo

So bottom of the ninth and here comes Kazu and Perez singled to lead things off which sucked and there was a pinch runner but nobody really cares and then some Jason Michaels guy DOUBLES and it probably would've scored a run except that some fan reached down and touched it so everybody only got two bases and I bet that fan feels like one serious dipshit as well he should but we sure owe him one here ("If [the fan] doesn't reach over, he scores.  That fan is the player of the game." - Bret Boone, ) and then Polanco grounded out to third so nobody scored and then Jimmy Rollins walked and Homer and I are all nervous and agitated, especially since Thome is up and then Kazu struck him out and I said to Homer "that was a BIG FUCKING OUT" because I'm so ladylike and all, and then Abreu flew out to end it and we hang on and win 5-4 and man alive but Larry Bowa looks pissed off.

They won because Mike Cameron couldn't drop a bunt in the ninth, and then promptly dropped a three-run home run off Jose Mesa. They won because an anonymous Phillies fan touched a ball in the right-field corner in the bottom of the ninth, likely preventing the tying run from scoring. They won because M's closer Kazu Sasaki, given a second chance by the dim-witted fan - who instantly surpassed Pat Burrell and Jose Mesa as the least popular man at Veterans Stadium - somehow worked himself out of a nearly hopeless jam. Heck, they might have even won because of bird droppings. That was Sasaki's theory after he had wriggled out of a second-and-third, no-out mess to save the first career victory of Julio Mateo, who worked two scoreless innings in relief of Joel Pineiro. 'We were telling Mateo he had bad luck because a bird pooped on him in the bullpen,' Sasaki said. 'But it turned out he had the luck with him.'" - Larry Stone, sportswriter

We Love To See Him Smile - A/P Photo