Jamie Outduels Millwood

Just Like I Told My Friend Kevin He Would

June 3, 2003

"I've never liked interleague play and I never will.  I don't know if it's good for baseballl; I only know it's not good for Edgar Martinez." - Edgar Martinez

So earlier today my friend Kevin (NOT Kevin Millwood, although I would like to be Kevin Millwood's friend because he could probably score me some pretty sweet free seats) was telling me how I shouldn't freak out if we lose today because we were facing Millwood and Kevin always likes to prepare me for bad things in the hopes that I will not have a huge hissy fit and I was like "yeah, so, the Phillies are facing MR. MOYER" and the game starts while I'm still at work generally making a mess of things because they've recently turned me loose on this "new" system that we have and basically I spend my ENTIRE DAY trying not to mess stuff up and my job is no longer auditing things, but rather it is trying NOT TO MESS UP THE SYSTEM WHILE I AUDIT and let me just tell you how much the systems people are loving me with my constant and asinine barrage of questions and ANYWAY, with 2 outs, Bret singled, and then he went to second on an error and then John Olerud walked and then Bret went to third on a wild pitch but we don't score and head to the bottom half where Jamie retired the side in order.

So second inning, no score, and we're down in order as well this time, and then Bobby Abreu led off with a double for the Phillies and an out later, he went to third on a groundout by David Bell whom I will always be quite fond of, but they don't score either which makes me very happy.

Third inning and I'm done bringing down the system for the day and get in my car to drive home and am immediately startled because I left my radio up so loud and thankfully Homer is not there because this is a major no-no with him and it gives him major fussages when you don't turn the radio or A/C off before you turn your car off and I always leave both on because I always HAVE both on, and anyway, I switch from my cd to the radio to listen to the game and started laughing because Jamie Moyer had just led off with an infield single and it never ceases to amuse me when pitchers HIT and 2 outs later, Bret "I'm Going Yard!" Boone WENT YARD and we take a 2-0 lead and head to the bottom half where Jamie "Now Batting 1.000" Moyer retired the side all 1-2-3 like.

Okay so fourth inning and I arrive home and turn on the TV and Mike Cameron led off with a single and then he stole second and then he went to third when Randy Winn singled and then an out later and RANDY stole second and then Dan Wilson grounded out and Cammie scored on this by beating the throw to the plate which was kind of exciting and then Jamie Moyer laid down a beautiful bunt to move Dan to second and then they intentionally walked Ichiro who is batting something like .412 with 2 men out and runners in scoring position and then Mark McLemore struck out looking and didn't care for the call and we head to the bottom half leading 3-0 and Jamie gives up a lead off single to some Polanco guy and then he struck out Jim Thome looking, and Thome totally knew it was strike 3 and was already heading for the bench before the ump even called it and meanwhile his batting helmet is so filthy that the "P" on it is no longer white but rather a dirty, sticky-looking pine tarred goopy BROWN and then Abreu singled but Mike Lieberthal popped up and then David Bell, after adjusting himself, hit a foul ball and Jeff Cirillo ran smack into the railing HARD trying to get to it and I'm pretty sure he elbowed the woman sitting there right in the face because she looked pretty dazed and was kind of holding her cheek and anyway, Cirillo was hurt and just sat there for a bit grimacing and letting the trainers check him out and all the players were there fussing over him which I thought was really cute and he got up and finished the inning which was commendable because if it were me, I would've continued sitting there and would've been bawling like a sissy and I would've made Bret carry me off the field, but anyway, David flew out and there was no harm done. 

"Edgar told me that many times, and he was stretching after Cirillo came out, which puts more pressure on me." - Bob Melvin, when reminded Edgar used to play third base

"I know he's not going to put me in, but I thought I'd get a reaction." - Gar

So fifth inning and Bret reached on an infield single and then he SWIPED SECOND BY SLIDING THROUGH THE SECOND BASEMAN'S LEGS.  

So then Ole grounded him over to third and then Cam walked and then Randy singled which scored Bret and Willie Bloomquist came in to hit for Cirillo but we're all done scoring and head to the bottom half leading 4-0 and Jamie gave up a harmless 1 out single to that Byrd guy and recorded 2 strikeouts.

So sixth inning and some Silva guy is in to pitch for Millwood and Dan Wilson led off with a single but the farthest we can get him is second base on a groundout by Ichiro and then Jamie retired the side in order once again, so moving right along to the seventh and I am meanwhile washing my car and freaking Brutus out by spraying him with the hose and then I almost wiped out in my Nike sandals which are evidently NOT water friendly and I guess that serves me right for spraying the cat and Bret led off with a walk which was promptly erased by a double play and then Cam walked and then Randy reached on an infield single but that was as exciting as it got and guess what Mr. Moyer did?  Retired the side in order.

"If you look up the definition of 'pitcher' in the dictionary, you see his picture." - Larry Bowa, Phillies manager and former Mariners third base coach on Jamie Moyer

So eighth inning and Dan Wilson singled to lead things off and then Greg Colbrunn came in to hit for Jamie and um, nevermind.  So bottom of the eighth, and Shiggy is in to pitch and that Byrd guy led off with a double and then went to third on a groundout from Ricky Ledee but that is as far as they get him and the shutout continues and meanwhile the announcers announce that Sammy Sosa has been ejected for using a corked bat which he'll probably get a slap on the wrist for nevermind that it's TOTALLY grounds for BANISHMENT and if he's allowed to continue playing, I'm going to be even MORE APPALLED than I already am that Pete Rose isn't in the Hall of Fame.  Just to reiterate:  Pete Rose = Legitimate Hall of Famer, Sammy Sosa = Corked Bat Steroid User.  LAME.

So ninth inning and some Mercado guy is in to pitch for Silva and there's Larry Bowa looking all pissed off in the dugout and with 2 outs, Cammie walked again but we're unable to do anything with it and then Arthur Rhodes came in and K'd Thome and K'd Abreu and K'd Lieberthal and NO WAIT!  That was a ball?  Um, okay.  So then Lieberthal SINGLED, but David Bell, bless his heart, fouled out to end it.

And here's a quick shoutout to my friend Shelly whose beloved Atlanta Braves defeated the crappy Texas Rangers: