Bret Hits His 200th Homerun

May 29, 2003

So this game began while I was visiting The Nephews, and Ichiro leads off with a single, followed by a double from Carlos Guillen which scored him, and then Bret grounded Carlos over to third and Edgar singled which scored Carlos and then an out later and Mike Cameron singled and stole second but we settle for the 2 runs and head to the bottom half where Jacque Jones led off with a homerun, but then Gil Meche recovered nicely by retiring the next three batters in order, and off we go to the second leading 2-1.

So we're down in order, and Torii Hunter led off with a walk for Minnesota but that's pretty much as exciting as things get, so moving right along to the third, I flip the radio on in my car so I can listen as I drive home, and Carlos led off with a single and then I shouted a profanity because Bret hit into a double play and then Edgar singled but we don't score and neither does Minnesota, thanks to a double play we turned after Jones singled.

Fourth inning and we waste Mark McLemore's 2 out single, but that's still more than Minnesota managed because they were down in order thanks Gil striking out the first two batters before Mark McLemore made a sweet play to get Torii Hunter at first and I know it was sweet because Rick was all excited on the radio.

Mac Makes A Sweet Play - A/P Photo

So fifth inning and Ichiro led off with a single and then he stole second and then Carlos grounded him over to third and then Bret "I'm Going To Hit My 200th Homerun!" Boone HITS HIS 200th HOMERUN and it's 4-1 Seattle and then an out later and John Olerud hit a ground rule double and then Mike Cameron ripped a big nasty double of his own which scored John, and it's 5-1 as we head to the bottom half and I arrive home and flip on the TV.

Ichiro Steals Second - A/P Photo

So Doug Enormouslastname leads off with a homerun to make it 5-2 Seattle and then Dustan Mohr struck out looking and started bitching about it even though that pitch was right down the middle, and then AJ Pierzynski LINED a shot that Bret made a spectacular leaping catch of and then Luis Rivas singled but they don't score him so nobody cared and off we go to the sixth inning with a 3-run lead.

"Who said white men can't jump?" - Bret Boone on his spectacular leaping catch

So sixth inning and Red is jawing on and on and on and on and on about the importance of winning series in that special way he has of jawing on and on and on and on and on about basic no-brainer stuff so that you find yourself yelling "WELL NO SHIT, RED!" pretty much every time he says anything and you always get the feeling that Rick and Dave kind of want to stuff something in his mouth so he'll be quiet and anyway, some guy named Tony Fiore comes in to pitch for Brad Radke and Mac leads off with a walk and then an out later and Ichiro walked and then everybody moved up a base on a wild pitch and I am meanwhile making notes of things on my new laptop and am trying to get the "mouse" working right, and it reminded me of earlier that day when they FINALLY put in my new monitor at work and I have a cool ergonomic mouse that no one can work but me and the guy putting in the new monitor was having a conniption fit over it which further proves my theory that they should've just let me swap the monitor out MYSELF instead of waiting for the computing people to come in and do it because that monitor had been sitting on the floor for a WEEK and I had been tripping over it nonstop which would make me shriek "I am going to kick this piece of shit out the window!" and I was so mad that I didn't even realize I was quoting the movie 'Office Space' until later and anyway, Carlos Guillen reached on an infield single that might possibly have been an error and it really pisses off the pitcher who has a hissy fit when he learns Carlos was called safe and Mac scored on this besides, and then Juan Rincon relieved Mr. Hissy Fit Pitcher and I get kind of nostalgic thinking about the Kingdome because the Metrodome always reminds me of the Kingdome and not that I don't adore Safeco Field, but I do miss the Kingdome and that whole climate-control-no-sunburn-no-bugs thing it had going for it, and then the announcers talk about stupid inter-league play which means no DH and I HATE inter-league play and I HATE not having a DH in the lineup because 1, Edgar is my DH, and 2, pitchers look like retards when they hit and in any case, inter-league play gets two major thumbs down from me and getting back to the game at hand,  Bret ripped a big nasty double which scored Ichiro and then an out later and they intentionally walked John Olerud because they're a big fat bunch of chickens and we settle for the two runs and lead it 7-2 as we head to bottom half although Mike Cameron DID almost take out Rincon with a lined shot he sent right at him, and that was kind of exciting and speaking of exciting, Minnesota sits down in order for their half.

Seventh inning, and we end up down in order ourselves although I have to say that the strike 3 call the ump made on Mac was HIGH, but anyway, Minnesota scores a run in their half thanks to a lead off homer from Torii Hunter, and Doug Enormouslastname followed that with one that I THOUGHT was going out, but Ichiro caught it and it's 7-3 Seattle as we head to the eighth.

So with 1 out, Carlos hit a ground rule double and then Bret ripped a big nasty double again which scored Carlos and then Edgar singled which scored Bret and then John Olerud singled and I am all going "what's Edgar still doing out there?" and then Bob Melvin was all going "yeah, what Laura said, go run for Gar, Bloomquist" so Willie Bloomquist comes in to run for Gar finally and everybody moves up a base on a passed ball and then Mike Cameron walked and then Johan Santana came in to relieve Rincon and an out later and Mac singled which scored Bloomie and when the dust finally settles, it's 10-3 Seattle.

Bret Ripping A Big Nasty Double - A/P Photo

So then Luis Rivas led off with a double and Artie Rhodes came in to pitch for Meche and Denny Hocking singled which scored him and then an out later and you can totally hear some loud belligerent fan hollering something about a butthole from the stands which was pretty funny and then Corey Koskie hit into a fielder's choice and Hocking was out at second and Koskie was ALMOST out at first and Artie just smiled when he didn't get the call and then he struck out Matthew LeCroy to end the inning because I think he was kind of pissed off.

So ninth inning, 10-4 Seattle, and we end up down in order and then Shiggy comes in to pitch for Artie and you can still hear the very loud, very drunk fan screaming about buttholes which majorly cracks me up and then there's a kid named Ford taking his first major league at bat and he singles and the camera pans to him at first and he's trying not to smile but he can't quite help himself which is so cute and then Enormouslastname got a base hit and NO WAIT!  CARLOS GOT TO IT, TURNED AND MADE A BACKHANDED TOSS TO BRET WHO MADE A SWEET THROW TO OLE AND THEY TURNED ONE OF THE BEST DOUBLE PLAYS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!!

Bret Turning A Sweet DP - A/P Photo

"I've never seen anybody at second base who has better hands than Boonie.  No matter the hop, he always has the perfect reaction.  I've been seeing the defense this team plays for quite a while now, and that play at the end of the game was something else.  [Carlos & Bret] pulled off great plays, and Ole did his part, too." - Bob Melvin

So anyway, good thing we kept the bases clean because Mohr doubled right after that and then he went to third on a passed ball and the stupid loudspeaker people in Minnesota started playing 'Wild Thing' which always reminds me of the movie 'Major League' where Charlie Sheen played Rick "The Wild Thang" Vaughn and anyway, Pierzynski homered to tack on two more runs for the Twins but it still wasn't enough because Shiggy made my heart sing by getting Rivas to ground which made everything... groovy.