For Spike
May 27, 2003
This is exactly how all games should be played. I love it when we come out swinging.
So this blessed event began with the announcers announcing it was 95 degrees and humid there in Kansas City and I grossed out as I don't like anything over 65 and I certainly don't like anything over 65 that's HUMID besides and let's not forget it's tornado season on top of things there in the Midwest and all I can say is that I would be hiding in a basement with the A/C cranked as high as it would go if I were there and anyway, we interview Raul Ibanez which was kind of nice because I always liked Raul, not so much when he's hitting against us and kicking our ass now, but he's a good guy.
So then Ichiro grounded out to lead things off, and then Randy Winn walked, and then Bret Boone hit into a fielder's choice and Randy was out at second, but then Edgar "THIS IS FOR SPIKE!" Martinez just knocked one right on out of there to make it 2-0 Seattle and then John Olerud singled before we headed to the bottom half where Freddy Garcia got Desi Relaford and Joe Randa out, and then he walked Mike Sweeney, but Raul Ibanez flew out after that, and as I was saying, I always liked Raul Ibanez.
Gar Goes Yard For Spike - A/P Photo
Second inning and with 1 out, Ben Davis singled and then Willie Bloomquist walked and then Ichiro ripped this big nasty double which scored both of them and made me really happy because so far ALL OF THE RBI's in this game are MINE because I have Ichiro and Edgar both in my Fantasy Baseball League and then Randy reached on an infield single and then Bret singled which scored Ichiro and then Edgar walked which loaded the bases and then KC made a pitching change and Scott Mullen replaced Chris George and John Olerud greeted him with a single that scored Bret and Randy and then an out later and Jeff Cirillo singled which reloaded the bases and then Ben walked which forced in a run and when the dust finally settles, it's 8-0 Seattle, and that is how it should always be done.
So bottom of the second and Freddy immediately makes me nervous by walking Carlos Beltran to lead things off for the Royals but then he comes back and struck out Michael Tucker and retired the rest of the side in order which made me very happy, even if Freddy's sweaty hat grossed me out the whole time.
So third inning and Ichiro reached on an infield single and then Randy singled and then Bret grounded them over and then Edgar "This One's For Spike Too!" Martinez WENT YARD AGAIN and for everyone in my Fantasy Baseball League - THOSE RBI'S ARE MINE TOO! MINE! YES! I RULE! Okay so anyway, John Olerud walked and then Mike Cameron walked and then Jeff Cirillo walked, I guess because Edgar cleaned off the bases and they felt the need to load them all up again, but we're done scoring for the moment and head to the bottom half leading 11-0 and Freddy retired the side in order and if he's going to do that, his hat can be as revolting as he wants it to be.
Fourth inning and there's some position changes for KC that nobody really cares about and then Randy singled with 1 out and that was pretty much as exciting as it got and then Mike Sweeney singled and Raul Ibanez singled and Beltran grounded into a fielder's choice that left runners at the corners before Tucker hit a sac fly to score Sweeney, and it's 11-1 as we head off to the fifth.
So Ole led off with a single and an out later and Cirillo singled and then Ben "I'm Goin Yard For Spike!" Davis WENT YARD FOR SPIKE which makes it 14-1 Seattle before we head to the bottom half where John Mabry comes in to play rightfield and with 1 out, Angel Berroa struck out but was safe at first on a passed ball, and again, let me just reiterate how much I F-BOMBING HATE THAT RULE. STRIKE THREE, SIT DOWN. NO EXCEPTIONS. EVER. So then while I'm still in a hissy fit over the stupidity of this rule and the fact that it just bit us in the ass besides, Desi Relaford doubled and then that Febles guy, whose name still makes me laugh, grounded out which scored Berroa which further pissed me off because Berroa was OUT AND SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THE DUGOUT INSTEAD OF ON THIRD BASE and then Mike Sweeney doubled which scored Desi before Raul flew out to end the inning and it's now 14-3 Seattle although it should still be 14-1 because Berroa was OUT! OUT! HE STRUCK OUT!
So sixth inning and Jason Gilfillan relieved Mullen and some guy named Ken Harvey came in to play first base and Randy led off with a single and then Mark McLemore hit for Bret and... nevermind and Edgar... yeah, nevermind. So bottom of the sixth and Freddy 1-2-3's the Royals again and I hope this is a sign that Freddy's getting back to normal.
"Before the game, Boonie told me how Edgar and John Olerud hit in this park. Each time they got a hit, he reminded me he had been right. I got so tired of listening to him I took him out after five innings." - Bob Melvin
Seventh inning and we don't do anything and then Mike DeFelice led off with a double and then Mr. Strikeout, a.k.a. Berroa, grounded him over to third and then Desi grounded out which scored him and it's 14-4 Seattle as we head off to the eighth inning where with 2 outs, John "I'm Goin Yard For Spike Too!" Mabry WENT YARD FOR SPIKE TOO and we take a 15-4 lead and then Randy doubled before we head to the bottom half where Giovanni Carrara relieved Freddy, and with 1 out, Raul tripled and then... Beltran singled which scored him, and then... Tucker doubled and I am getting all kinds of agitated and then Dee Brown singled which scored Beltran and yelled "F-BOMBING COME ON!" because I'm so ladylike and DiFelice singled which scored Tucker and it's 15-7 by the time we finally get out of the inning.
Ninth inning and I really quite like the fountains there at the ballpark in Kansas City and if I could be assured that there was absolutely NO CHANCE of a tornado I could probably be talked into sitting in a floaty chair out there in the fountains and watching the game while I floated around and drank beer from my floating cooler and how SERIOUSLY KICKASS WOULD THAT BE and some guy whose name I didn't catch comes in to pitch for KC and Greg Colbrunn hit for Gar and led off with a single and then Ole singled and two outs later he went to second on a wild pitch but we don't score anybody and then with 2 outs, Raul walked but KC doesn't score anybody either and we win it 15-7 for Spike, who was a very good dog to my good friend Ben.
