<Just Insert Some Profanity Here>

May 24, 2003

So this game began with Joel Pineiro working out of a jam after Chris Gomez doubled with 1 out and then Corey Koskie walked and we head to the bottom half where we're down in order and I am meanwhile up at my sister's house watching the game on her huge TV with Homer because in lieu of the party I had planned on attending, I decided to hang out at Paula's since we all just kind of ended up there earlier that day and we hadn't had a big family night in a really long time.

So Homer is fussing around fixing things and remarking on all of my sister's lamps and lights and whatnot because that's kind of a Homer thing that he does, like whenever everyone goes out to dinner the first thing Homer will notice and comment on is the restaurant and their choice of lighting fixtures and when we were at the Paramount for the George Jones concert (I had gotten him and I tickets for his birthday) he fussed the whole time over how they needed to clean their chandeliers and how disgraceful it was to have a chandelier that beautiful and let it get so dirty and anyway, Todd Sears leads off with a walk and then Dustan Mohr singles and I feel like throwing up and then AJ Pierzynski knocked one out and they take a 3-0 lead and Homer is all "what the crap is going on!" and then an out later, and Jacque Jones singles and then Chris Gomez singles and I have a minor stroke before Joel recovers and retires the next two batters and then we're down in order and Homer goes outside to fuss over Paula's two cats, Max and Maggie, because he loves cats as much as he loves light fixtures, The Dodge and his riding lawnmower.

So third inning, 3-0 Minnesota, and Torii Hunter reached on an infield single and Homer is all "goddammit!" just in case anyone was wondering where I learned such language and Pierzynski singled and with runners at the corners, Luis Rivas, GOD BLESS HIM, struck out looking and then we are down in order yet again.

Fourth inning and my MOM is making dinner for everyone because even though I'm the only daughter who inherited Homer's excellent command of the turn signal, Paula and I BOTH inherited Homer's cooking ability which basically consists of being able to pour cereal, make toast and ask Mom how long things should be microwaved for, and The Nephews and I are playing "raurs" which is Casey-Speak for "dinosaurs" and there we sit at the coffee table roaring at each other with our plastic dinosaurs and I am the blue plastic triceratops and the boys are both green and yellow T-Rexes and Casey, who is only 2, already knows the names of all the different kinds of dinosaurs because my nephews are both geniuses and with 1 out, Gomez tripled and I nearly had an aneurysm trying to keep from swearing because I catch holy hell from Paula if I swear accidentally in front of the boys and I have to say that she is a really great mom and the boys adore her despite her turn signal handicap.

So anyway, 1 down, man on third, and Koskie grounded out and I'm thinking we might escape unscathed from this when Matthew LeCroy singled to score Gomez and the Twins lead it 4-0 as we head to the bottom half where Ichiro led off with a single and then an out later and Bret Boone reached on an infield single and then an out after that, Ole singled which scored Ichiro and it's 4-1 as we head off to the fifth.

So with 2 outs, Pierzynski - you know, I really don't care to get into it, and by the end of their half, it's 6-1 Minnesota, and I'm with Casey - I'd rather watch 'Scooby Doo T-Rex', officially titled 'Scooby Doo & the Cyber Chase' I think, and I really have to applaud myself at my own cleverness for turning both the boys into such huge Scooby Doo fiends, because Scooby Doo is my favorite cartoon of all time and I now have an excuse for owning all the Scooby Doo videos and DVDs that I have, and anyway, Randy Winn led off with a double, and Mark McLemore grounded him to third and an out after that and Ichiro singled which scored him, and we settle for the 1 run as we head to the sixth inning where we promptly give it right back as Julio Mateo relieved Joel and Koskie led off with a homerun to make it 7-2 Twins and we're depressingly down in order again.

Top of the seventh and Scooby and the gang are currently in the Jurassic level of the video game they are trapped in and Dylan is all "CASEY IT'S TIME FOR THE T-REX PART!" and Casey is beside himself excited over the T-Rex that the Phantom Virus is riding and Dustan Mohr led off with a walk and 2 outs later, he stole second but he didn't score and guess what!  Neither did we.

Eighth inning.  Minnesota is down in order!  We waste Carlos Guillen's 2 out single!  Let's just end the misery right here as there is nothing worth mentioning in the ninth.

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