Why Wasn't This Televised?
And PS - My Sister Drives Like A Maniac
May 17, 2003
So this game begins with me actually waking up in time to see it and I check my nifty Opening-Day-Schedule-Magnet that I got on opening day and it says the game is on channel 11 only GUESS WHAT, the game is NOT on channel 11, I Love Lucy is on channel 11 and I love Lucy (no pun intended) as much as anybody, but what a load of bollocks that this game wasn't on.
So I turn on the radio and am all annoyed the game isn't televised and Ichi "Gee I Bet Laura Would Like To See This!" ro promptly knocked one out to lead things off, so 1-0 Seattle, and then an out later, and Bret "Chicks Dig the Long Ball Even When They Can't See You Hit Them!" Boone knocks one out, and just like that, it's 2-0 Seattle, and an out later, John Olerud singled but we are unable to score him.
So bottom of the first and Jamie Moyer struck out the first 2 batters and then Bobby Higginson singled and then Dmitri Young singled, but Carlos Pena, bless his little heart, grounded out to end the inning and off we go to the second.
So with 1 out, Mark McLemore reached on an infield single but that was quickly erased by a double play so let's just move along shall we to the bottom half where Jamie struck out the first batter and then... Eric Munson homered and it's 2-1 Seattle and then Inge singled but Jamie gets the next 2 guys no problem, so we can just continue moving right along to the third where I'm still totally irritated the game isn't televised.
Alrighty then, so with 2 outs, Bret was safe on an error and even made it to second on a bad throw, but we're unable to capitalize on it, and then there goes Jamie striking out the first batter and then Higginson singled but got caught stealing which I really would've loved to have SEEN and Detroit ends up down in order because Dmitri Young grounded out, so off we go to the fourth.
So Ole led off with a single but that was as exciting as it got, and then Carlos Pena walked but 2 outs later he got caught stealing which was exciting for us and not so much for Detroit, and I think I'll just keep heading right into the fifth here, where with 1 out, Ichiro doubled, and then Carlos Guillen reached on an infield single and then Bret "I Think I'll Go Yard Again" Boone GOES YARD AGAIN and it's now 5-1 Seattle and then Edgar walked before we head to the bottom half where Detroit is down in order.
Sixth inning and we have a new pitcher for the Tigers and he sits us down in order and then with 1 out, Higginson, who is very annoying this morning/afternoon, singled AGAIN but a double play later and nobody really cared.
So seventh inning, and Carlos singled with 1 out and then an out after that and he went to second on a wild pitch and then Edgar reached on an infield single of all things but we are unable to score them and poor Gar probably needed oxygen anyway after hustling like that and then this kind of sucked a bit because Pena led off with a double and an out later and Munson singled which scored him and then an out after that and Santiago singled and then Torres singled which scored another run and I am meanwhile bitching up a storm about the whole thing and then Shiggy relieved Jamie and walked Halter which loaded the bases before Higginson, who finally succeeded in NOT annoying me, grounded out to end the threat.
Eighth inning, 5-3 Seattle in yet another birthday shoutout to me, and with 1 down, Randy Winn singled and then Mac walked and then Dan Wilson flew out and Randy went to third and then Ichiro singled which scored him and we lead it 6-3 as we head to the bottom half, where Young led off with an infield single, but an out later and Monroe hit into a double play so it really didn't matter.
So ninth inning and there's another new pitcher for Detroit and with 1 out, Edgar walked but that's all the base runners we manage, so bottom of the ninth and here comes Kazu and he retired the side in order with 2 strikeouts which makes me very, very happy and I go and get ready for my shopping trip with Mom and Paula (my mother and sister for those of you just tuning in) and my sister ends up driving which is always an adventure and every time she makes some wanky driving maneuver I always yell how "that's going in the review!" and she is all "I'm done passing along your site to everybody!" because she wants me to quit picking on her, but really, if she wanted that badly enough, she'd figure out what that whole turn signal lever thing on the left of her steering column is supposed to be used for, and anyway, we start off at the Bon so Mom can make her Bon payment and as we're walking in, there's some really loud music playing and my mother just BUSTS OUT dancing right down the store aisle which was totally funny and we get done shopping there and head off to Target which is my favorite store in the whole world and I have to tell you, Paula actually used her turn signal once and is all "that was for you" which was kind of funny and not only was I grateful, I'm sure the rest of the people sharing the roads with her were excited as well and anyway, it was a very successful shopping trip, and we decide to go to a movie and as we're heading there, my sister takes this really twisty turny back road and goes roaring around a corner and both my mom and I scream and I am all "THAT'S GOING IN THE REVIEW!" because basically I use this website to threaten my family with public humiliation when they are not bending to my will or are scaring the living daylights out of me by driving their SUV like a crazy woman and she's all "would you like to drive?" and actually, I would have but what I say is "no, we'd just like to not DIE!" and my mom and I crack up totally laughing and she's all "I'm trying to hurry to the movie!" and so I'm all "we can't see the movie if we're DEAD!" and my mom and I laugh some more and Paula is very disgusted with us and I'm guessing she will be even more so when she reads this but it was so funny, and before you go feeling too bad for her, you should know she droped a Lite-Brite on my head when we were little and I had to get stitches.
