My Eye Hurts

April 23, 2003

So this game began with back to back singles from Little O and that Phillips guy, but Gil Meche kept them on the corners by striking out their Garcia, who, like Carlos Guillen, can't be bothered to dress himself for some reason, like there really should be some official rule that you CAN NOT take the field until your jersey is buttoned, and then he struck out Ellis Burks and then he got Matt Lawton to fly out which made me super happy.

So anyway, TV is kind of hard to watch as my eye is bothering me and I can't see very well because my eye doctor has me taking all these stupid drops that dilate my eye because evidently instead of just having an allergic reaction to something like my regular doctor originally thought, I have some kind of inflammation or BRUISE on my eye which my eye doctor pretty much scared the bejesus out of me about and was all "this is very serious!" and "YOU MUST START TAKING THESE DROPS RIGHT AWAY!" and I can't drive or work or anything so basically I'm just sitting here half blind and squinting at the set with my good eye, and let me tell you, with my left eye and it's HUGE PUPIL, and my regular right eye that I'm having to squint with to see anything, I am SUPER PRETTY right now and I had actually gotten a pink-for-girls eye patch to see if I couldn't try functioning with my eye covered for a couple of days because Shelly assured me I could pull this off, and I did make a rather fetching pirate I must admit, but it seriously gave me a headache, and Brutus kept running off with it anyway, so back to the game where we're down in order.

Second inning and Cleveland does nothing, and we do nothing, so third inning and with 1 out, Omar walked, but a double play later and nobody cared, and then we waste Jeff Cirillo's single, so let's just move along to the fourth and Meche 1-2-3's the Indians thanks to an EXCELLENT catch by Ichiro for out number 3 and then Mark McLemore leads off with a walk and steals second!

So then Bret Boone grounded him over to third and then Edgar hit a sac fly to score him and then John "I'm GOIN YARD!" Olerud WENT YARD and we take a 2-0 lead into the fifth inning where Meche again retires the side in order, this time thanks to a great catch by Mike Cameron and then with 2 outs, Ben Davis singled and then Ichiro singled and then Mac ripped a BIG NASTY DOUBLE to clean off the bases and ended up out trying to stretch it into a triple, but we're now leading it 4-0.

So sixth inning and that Blake guy flew out and Mike caught it and it was kind of funny because Ichiro was over backing him up and Mike was like "I got it" and they were laughing and then Omar and that Phillips guy had back to back singles which was annoying but their Garcia grounded into a double play which is exactly what he deserved for not buttoning up his jersey, and then Bret walked but got caught stealing and we end up down in order which I don't see, not because of my stupid eye but because I had to check in with American Idol and there's Ryan Seacrest making fun of Simon's hair which is really out of line if you ask me because that bed-head thing with the Barbie highlights that Ryan has going is really horrifying and then the Idols are singing this REALLY, REALLY bad song called 'Shine' and they all go over and sing UP to some ceiling camera, I think because they were trying to stay away from Trenyce's obscenely short skirt, but it was a VERY WEIRD angle nonetheless and meanwhile, Cleveland is down in order with 2 strikeouts, like GO GIL MECHE and we waste Carlos Guillen's walk.

So eighth inning and Ruben is safe and Clay is safe and Kimberly Locke is unfortunately safe and everybody's favorite felon Trenyce is safe after being put into the bottom three and it made me kind of sad to see Josh in the bottom two, but then Carmen got the boot like I was expecting she would and she is wearing some really ugly pants which wouldn't be so bad if she weren't wearing them with stiletto boots she can hardly walk in which reminds me of earlier that morning when my friend Ben was like "quit speaking ill of the woman I love" when I was talking about Carmen's performance which majorly cracked me up and I have to say I could've easily done without their stupid 'Fun Fun Fun' video and then that Bard guy singled for Cleveland, and then an out later, and that Blake grounded him over to second and then Omar walked and then Shiggy relieved Meche who left to a very nice ovation. 

So that Selby guy hit for Phillips and flew out to end their half and I am thrilled to learn that pedestrians are going to be getting tickets for crossing against signals and jaywalking and whatnot as I truly hate pedestrians and speaking of crossing against signals, if you've ever been to New York, you know that signals mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING which I learned the hard way as I was nearly trampled to death on the sidewalk there when I stopped for one and I literally was MOVED ACROSS THE STREET AGAINST MY WILL with the crowd which is kind of funny when you stop to think about it, and anyway, some pitcher comes in for Cleveland - Riske, I guess, and he retires us in order.

So ninth inning and Artie comes in for Shiggy and gets the first 2 outs before Lawton singled and then Jeff Nelson came in and Spencer was safe on an error by Cirillo which was weird because Cirillo's such a great third baseman, but then Bard struck out, so nobody really cared as we win it 4-0 and I would like to mention that John Olerud's jersey is neatly buttoned which makes me love him all the more.