All Is Well As Jay Broadcasts,

Edgar Hits, Bret Entertains,

 Ole Does It All &

Clay Sings His Little Heart Out For Shel

April 15, 2003

"Edgar Martinez is back in Seattle's lineup, and the Mariners are in first place for the first time since last Aug. 18." - Jim Cour, sportswriter

So it's American Idol night and this game begins with my friend Shel, formerly of Nashville, who now lives in Cincinnati and thusly sees AI 3 hours earlier than I do, telling me all about how great Clay is because she's a big time Clay junkie and for any of you who don't know who Clay is, you really should start watching American Idol.  Really.  You should.

So anyway, Ellis leads off with a double for Oakland, and because the only person watching with me is Brutus, I go right ahead and swear and then 2 outs later and Eric Chavez walked but Ryan Franklin finishes them off without anybody scoring so I'm quite happy as we head to the bottom half where with 1 out, Randy Winn walked and then Bret, who, unlike Rafael Palmeiro, can pull off having Eminem's 'Lose Yourself' as his theme song, walked and then DOUBLE STEAL!  YES!  I LOVE THAT!  And THEN Edgar singled!  We take a 1-0 lead and head to the second and meanwhile Red and Niehaus note how Tim Hudson shaved off his horrifying chin hair thing in a big fat shout out to me.

So Jermaine Dye walked and Brutus knocked a bunch of stuff off the counter and then Terence Long hit a ground rule double and an out later and some guy named Johnson hit a sac fly to tie the game which was horribly annoying but not nearly as annoying as Tim Hudson's chin hair which I am so, so happy is gone.  So anyway, Mike Cameron singled to lead things off and then he stole second and 2 outs later, Ben Davis, with Toby Keith's 'Who's Your Daddy' as his theme song singled to score him and we take the lead again and then Ichiro singled but we settle for the 1 run and head off to the third inning leading 2-1 and as much as like Ben and Toby Keith, that phrase is soooo over.

Mike Stealing Second

Photo by Jim Bates

So with 2 outs, I had to switch the channel to watch American Idol and it is Billy Joel night and Kimberly Caldwell opens with 'It's Still Rock N Roll' and Shel, who loooooooves Clay has TAPED this show and is re-watching it while I watch it for the first time and we are discussing the whole thing and she renames 'It's Still Rock N Roll' to 'It's Still Monotone' for Kimberly who was definitely not at her best and if I were her, I would be suing whoever ironed her hair and put her in that shirt, and then I flip back to the game and we are tied again thanks to Eric Chavez having knocked one out which totally pisses me off, and then I flip it back to AI while we ALL STRIKE OUT LOOKING.  Bah.

Ichiro Making A Splendid Catch In the 3rd

Photo by Jim Bates

Fourth inning and Reuben does a lovely job with 'Just the Way You Are' and Kimberly Locke does a pretty good job with 'New York State of Mind' and Oakland is down in order and so are we, so let's just move along to the fifth where Carmen is also far from her best this evening with some song I can't even remember the name of, and anyway, Ellis homered to take the lead for Oakland but luckily I didn't see it since I had gone blind from having to see Carmen in that horrifyingly frightful shiny green ensemble she was wearing, like who DRESSES these guys?

So then we do nothing and Josh, in very ill-fitting slacks does one SERIOUSLY KICKASS version of 'Piano Man' and we head to the sixth inning trailing 3-2.

Clay In Ugly Brown Pants

Shel stole this photo from idolonfox.com

So Chavez singled and 2 outs later and Long singled but they don't score and off we go to the bottom half where Clay does a tremendous take on 'Tell Her About It' and I so love Clay and I so love Billy Joel and I so love Bret who doubled to lead things off and then he went to third on a wild pitch from Ted Lilly and I so also love Gar who singled to score him and we have a tie game again!  And I love John Olerud who doubled and Mike Cameron struck out but I love him too and Guillen popped up and then that Fikac guy relieved Lilly and Jeff Cirillo walked after we got a very questionable call that he DIDN'T go around but I'll take it and we end up not scoring anyway and meanwhile Shel has burst in with the unfortunate news that Chipper Jones (Shel is all about Chipper & the Braves the way I am about Jay & the M's and if you're unsure of what exactly I mean, please see April 2, 2002's review by clicking here) is day to day after pulling his groin and I can't help but snort out loud when I make some crass comment about his oft-pulled groin and how he should learn to control it.

"I think he could probably wake up on Christmas morning and hit.  That's never an issue, whether he's on the DL, or rehabbing. The guy can just hit." - Mariner manager Bob Melvin on Edgar

Seventh inning, 3-all and Arthur Rhodes relieved Ryan Franklin after 2 outs and made the third with a big nasty strikeout and we do nothing, so eighth inning and Miguel Tejada LINED a shot that I was JUST getting ready to swear about, but before I got the "sh" out, Olerud had caught it!  And meanwhile, Jay, who is broadcasting again, is like "BIG RUUUUD!" which cracked me up and Artie retired the next two batters and we head to the bottom half where Bowie relieved Fikac and Edgar greeted him with a big nasty double and it cracked me up because he was running slow even for him and he looked so cute jogging into second.

"He is a great hitter now.  He has always been able to hit. He will probably be able to hit when he is 50." - A's reliever Micah Bowie on Edgar

"He's an amazing hitter.  Edgar is textbook.  Around the league, he has as much respect as anyone.  That says it all.  The players all become fans when he's up.  He's the guy that the right-handed hitters - and even the left-handed hitters - model themselves after." - Scott Hatteberg of the A's

So then Mark McLemore came in to run for him and then Ole doubled and we take the lead 4-3!  So Cam reached on an infield single, and then Carlos singled which scored John and meanwhile they are panning into the dugout where Edgar is totally cracking up and we learn that it's Bret making him laugh and then Bret sits down and puts his arm around John Mabry and Jay and Rick are cracking up about him and how funny he is and we take a 5-3 lead into the ninth where Kazu retired the side in order, including two excessively nasty strikeouts to win it for us.

Edgar Discussing What He Knows About Alex Rodriguez From Having Once Shared A Locker Room With Him

Photo by Gilbert W. Arias