And the Suckfest Continues

April 10, 2003

Okay so this stupid game begins with Randy Winn making an error which was very shocking because he's such a great fielder and it ended up not mattering because Ryan Franklin retired the next three batters and then we go to commercial and there is this really dumb one about tires and a guy is driving his SUV and he has a Michelin Man bobblehead and his tires are sooooo great that the bobblehead never bobbles, and so he's at a stoplight and can NO LONGER STAND that his bobblehead isn't bobbling so he picks it up and shakes it and then looks over at the car next to him and it's the Michelin Man himself staring at him like he's retarded and if I looked over and saw the Michelin Man behind the wheel of the car next to me, I would scream and take off as fast as possible but anyway, we don't do anything in our half either and I have to say that I'm kind of tired of the 500 different lineups.

So second inning and for some reason Red and Niehaus feel obligated to inform everyone of Troy Glaus's toe surgery and I HATE FEET so then I was all traumatized and with 2 outs, Eric Owens hit an infield single which Willie Bloomquist made an excellent stop and then with Molina at the dish, Owens takes off for second on a 1-2 count and had to go back to first because Molina fouled it but on his way back he is all checking his shoe which I thought was odd because it isn't like it's Cincinnati where that Schotts woman used to let her St. Bernards run free and they would crap all over the field but anyway they don't score and we head to the bottom half where Mike Cameron is called on strikes nevermind that the so-called strike 3 was at like CHIN LEVEL and John Olerud walked but that was as exciting as it got.

So third inning and with 2 outs Erstad walked and then I throw up as Brad Fullmer hits one out to take a 2-0 lead so there we are trailing already and Garrett Anderson doubles and more bad words ensue which makes my cat blink at me wondering what my problem is.  So then Glaus grounds out to end their half and guess what we do in ours?  We waste Willie Bloomquist's lead off single.

Fourth inning and Molina singles with 2 outs but they thankgodfully don't score any more and we sit down in order and I somehow manage to keep from putting my foot through the television, and we head to the fifth inning where with 2 outs, Brad Fullmer OH GODDAMMIT, I refuse to even talk about what happened here and suffice it to say that it is 3-0 as we go to the bottom half and with 2 outs, Willie TRIPLED and we don't score him and I have to ask WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR 2 OUTS, SO WHAT PHILOSOPHY?  WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MARINERS OF 2001 WHO COULD COME BACK FROM A 6 RUN DEFICIT AFTER THE FIRST?  WHY CAN WE NO LONGER SCORE ANY RUNS?  WHY ARE WE STRANDING MEN LEFT AND RIGHT?  WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL ME?  I CANNOT DEAL WITH JAY RETIRING, LOU LEAVING AND THE WHOLE TEAM NOT HITTING, IT IS TOO MUCH TO BEAR.

So sixth inning and Anaheim wastes a walk and two singles but that's still more than what we did, which was waste Bret's single and then Shiggy relieved Franklin and that reminds me that there were 2 new commercials I saw for Komo having the M's broadcasts now and one has Shiggy just waking up and wearing a bathroom with his number on it which made me laugh and then the other one has Dan Wilson and the Moose ordering a pizza and the Moose slapping the hand of the guy who reaches for his twig and berry piece or whatever it was and unfortunately, instead of just watching commercials, we have to watch this game and Shiggy sits the side down in order and we do nothing which seems to be our new forte.

So eighth inning and Carrara relieved Shiggy and some guy named Figgins reached on a bunt single but then got caught trying to steal and the name Figgins makes me laugh outloud for some reason and then with 2 outs Ichiro singled and then Randy Winn singled and I begin to feel a small glimmer of hope that maybe, FINALLY we are returning to our former selves and are going to take care of business right here, but we don't, and I realize that I probably should've just stuck to watching the show Scrubs where Dr. Cox had the brilliant line of "No thanks, I've already had diarrhea," when asked if he wanted to try the cranky nurse's 'famous hard boiled eggs'.

So then ninth inning and Kazu came in and retired the side in order and then Troy Percival relieved Jarrod Washburn and with 1 out, John Olerud walked and then I suffer a small aneurysm as we drop another game, with what I believe is our SECOND SHUTOUT OF THE YEAR ALREADY.  I really hope we get it together soon because I will have to be hospitalized if the season continues like this.