Defeating Texas Never Gets Old
April 4, 2003
So this game starts with a really cool bald eagle only I don't get to see it because I'm at work, like leave it to the Texas Rangers to have a FRIDAY game start at 11:05 AM, like what kind of crap is that?
So anyway, with two outs in the first inning, Edgar "I'm Goin' Yard!" Martinez GOES YARD for his first big knock of the season, and again, thank you so much Texas for starting the game at 11 AM on a weekday so that I DID NOT GET TO SEE THIS and we head to the bottom half leading 1-0. So then with 1 out, Ryan Franklin walked Hank Blalock and up to the plate steps Mr. Sellout himself, Scott Boras Jr. a.k.a. Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez, the shortstop formerly known as honorable and he hits a routine pop up, and then is followed by his best friend Captain Viagra (Rafael Palmeiro) who will forever be on my list for knocking the fans of Seattle after we booed A-Rod, flew out to end the inning.
So top of the second and we don't do much of anything, and then Juan Gonzalez unfortunately singles and then Ruben Sierra knocks one out to take the lead 2-1 and I not at all quietly yell "SHIT!" right at my desk again, but Ryan retires the next 3 batters, all on fly outs to center.
So third inning and we do nothing and I swear some more and I have to mention the conversation my friend Kevin and I were having about how the fan in Anaheim threw back Sellout's 300th homerun which I thought was pretty AWESOME and Kevin is all "I would've wiped a booger on it and THEN thrown it back" which totally killed me to picture Kevin all furtively picking his nose and Kevin should really be lauded for his creativity on what to do at the ballpark, like he insists that if he ever ends up on fan cam he will "drop the sweetest B.A." and then when we had the All-Star game in Seattle, Kevin was talking about how he wanted to volunteer and if he ended up anywhere near the locker room he was going to put Icy Hot in A-Rod's jockstrap and anyway with 1 out, that Blalock guy doubled and I said some unrepeatable words and then Sellout K'd looking which delighted me no end and Rafael walked but nobody cared because Gonzalez made a big fat out and we head to the fourth inning still trailing 1-2.
Now pay attention because this was totally exciting: Randy Winn doubled to lead things off. Then Edgar singled to score him! Tie game! And two outs later, Mike Cameron doubled to score Edgar! YES! WE TAKE THE LEAD AGAIN!
So bottom of the fourth and Texas does nothing and Carl Everett whom I totally can't stand made an out which I'm happy to mention, and we head to the fifth inning where we unfortunately don't do anything either, and then... goddammit. Pudge's replacement, like there's ANOTHER thing you can thank Sellout for, ending the era of Ivan Rodriguez in Texas which is actually a GOOD thing for Pudge if you ask me but I imagine that all 3 fans Texas actually has are pretty pissed, because that would be like the M's screwing over Jay or Edgar for some self-important-all-about-the-money-assclown and I would've totally rioted over this if I were a Rangers fan but anyway, Pudge's replacement Diaz doubled and then Blalock who is SERIOUSLY GETTING ON MY NERVES hit one out so Texas takes the lead again, and Sellout and Viagra don't do anything, so we head to the sixth trailing 3-4.
We do nothing. Texas does nothing. Seventh inning: Some guy named Cordero relieves Ismael Valdes. With two out, Mark McLemore and Jeff Cirillo both walk and then Ben Davis rips a big nasty double which I didn't get to see THANKS AGAIN TEXAS! and that scores both Mac and Cirillo and this makes me very happy because we again take the lead at 5-4! So Ichiro was intentionally walked but we don't do anything else worth mentioning, so let's just move along to the bottom half where Young led off with a single and then Shiggy came in to relieve Ryan Franklin and Young got caught stealing which again, I WOULD'VE LOVED TO HAVE SEEN and Shiggy retires the next two batters in no time flat, so it's off to the eighth we go.
Estaban Yan whose name cracks me up because rhyming names are just funny, I don't know why, but anyway, he relieves Cordero and with two outs, Bret Boone singled and then Cammie singled which scored Bret and Cirillo was hit with a pitch and since I didn't see it I can't tell you if this was because Yan's control was off or if he was just pissed off about the 3 back to back to back singles he just gave up (THANKS TEXAS!) but anyway, some Fultz guy relieved Yan and we unfortunately don't do anymore damage, but that's okay because in the bottom of the eighth, Blalock walked, but then A-Rod made an out and Arthur Lee Rhodes came in to relieve Shiggy and he gave up a single to Viagra, but then he got Gonzalez to hit into a double play to end the inning. BOSS!
"He smoked that ball. It scared me," Bret Boone on fielding the double play ball Gonzalez hit
So top of the ninth, still leading 6-4 and Urbina relieved Fultz and with 2 outs, Edgar singled and then John Olerud walked and then Willie Bloomquist came in to run for Edgar but we unfortunately don't score and then Kazuhiro Sasaki comes in to pitch the ninth for Artie and with 1 K already, Carl Everett struck out but got to first on the wild pitch and that rule TOTALLY PISSES ME OFF, if you strike out, go sit down. No exceptions. I don't even like this rule when it's in our favor. It is the stupidest rule EVER. That's how stupid it is. So anyway, Kaz K's the next two batters, to strike out four batters in one inning which has got to be some kind of record and we win it 6-4 and this makes me very happy. Even if I didn't get to see it.
"That means he's really good,"
Manager Bob Melvin, on Kazu's 4 strikeouts in 1 inning
